Dating Pro social

“The world doesn’t need what women have, it needs what women are.”

2019.05.09 15:09 AutistInPink “The world doesn’t need what women have, it needs what women are.”

Discussion of women's issues in a traditional Catholic light, true to Catholic social teachings.
[link]


2012.06.24 20:10 rhfs Dogfree: We Don't Like Dogs

This is a community for those who do not like or own dogs to discuss issues related to modern-day dog ownership and its effects on society.
[link]


2020.11.24 08:59 ConvincingReplicant 35 [M4F] SE Michigan, Seeking Companion for the Apocalypse

Well here we are at the twilight of our civilization, and I'm just looking for some one to help me scavenge supplies form the radioactive decay... Or maybe a Netflix date over a voip call, your choice.
6'1'' black haibrown eyes, big black beard (at the moment) I really hope you like beards :D
Single, never married, monogamous
Job/House/Cars/excellent credit
STEM field
Bourbon
Camping
Autos/Auto racing/off roading
PC's/Building PC's/PC gaming/Streaming
Game of Thrones (well that's done... :-\ maybe we can re-watch season one and pretend that they didn't spend nearly a decade building us up for disappointment)
Westworld
Stranger Things
The Mandalorian (Gonna binge it when season 2 is done done!)
The Witcher
Umbrella Academy
Competitive shooting
Running / working out
Home projects
(good)Movies
Atheist
Child-free
I suppose you could say I'm looking for the Marla to my Tyler, a partner in world domination. Open to friends, casual dating, or something more. Mostly someone to rescue me from the toxic wasteland of dating apps. A companion to experience life with. Low key, casual dating, camping, option for more down the road.
I love dogs, but I'm quite allergic to pets, so I don't see myself living with anything that isn't behind glass, I guess. I can mitigate it with judicial hand washing and avoiding touching my face after playing with/petting pets. I do dog sit occasionally, not at my house, but with allergy medication. I wouldn't want to take it all the time.
I like to keep it pretty relaxed, not big on baclub scene, would rather have a small gathering of friends and play CAH or jackbox with some drinks. Maybe watch a scary movie or two.
I currently devote a lot of time to (pc gaming) content creation when I'm not working, it would be cool if you were into this as well. I know it's not for everyone, not a deal breaker, but it does take take up a lot of time, it would be nice to share this with some one. I recently started streaming Overwatch and I'm really enjoying it so it'd be cool of you can join in. I also play Vermintide II, MechWarrior, DayZ, Deep Rock, some other games... Willing to try anything new at least once, twice if I like it. :P
ALSO, I've been working on a lot of home projects, so if you are interested in DIY, that might be fun too!
Politics? I just want interracial gay married couples to be able to protect their adopted children and marijuana plants with AR15's and 100 round magazines. Pro choice / bodily integrity / autonomy. Pro science, vaccination, climate change is real, covid is real - wear your damn mask, idk why I feel like I need to include this but we landed on the moon and the earth is round.
Maybe we can get together, with the current climate, perhaps a socially distanced picnic at the park... grab some cider and doughnuts, before the snow flies... :D the snow has flown, but maybe we can get it anyway.
submitted by ConvincingReplicant to cf4cf [link] [comments]


2020.11.24 00:25 globalwp [CONFLICT] Intercepting the Aircraft

m: due to the time frame between the Brazilian deployment announcement and the covert op, this was significantly delayed
The Brazilian Deployment to Algeria violates a long standing policy by the Algerian government to oppose the deployment of foreign bases into Algeria. Traumatized by the colonial era bases of France and the French Foreign legion, and the attrocities committed by the French government, the Algerian people have decided to never again accept foreigners basing in their lands... until today.
What is important to note is that Algeria is not a democratic nation. The nation claims to espouse Arab Socialism, yet it is evident that it supports neither Arab Unity nor Socialism. The nation which has historically supported the MPLA in their noble struggle against Portuguese colonialism has bowed down to neo-Portuguese colonialism and turned its back on the Arab people. The kleptocracy in power cares not for the Algerian people, their livelihoods, or their independence, but cares only for the personal enrichment of the elite at the expense of their people. A country which embezzles millions and costs hundreds of thousands of people their jobs, a government that is ripe with nepotism to the core, with a president's son that sells cocaine with impunity, and a government controlled by shadowy figures which subverts democracy and breeds poverty and ignorance.
The good people of Algeria do not deserve to have their rights trampled upon by foreign powers. They do not deserve to be treated as second class citizens in their own country. The United Arab Republic does not wish to integrate Algeria into its republic if the people are not willing, but the United Arab Republic is willing to fight for a truly free and independent Algeria. The Generals have betrayed the nation, and the people will rise. Brazil will not colonize Algeria!
Intercepting the Delivery
[Part that is happening either way]
The UAR upon hearing the deployment will deploy to prevent Brazilian troops from entering the territory following the news of the deployment. Troops along the border will prepare for an invasion if necessary. The air force will begin by establishing a no fly zone over Algeria for Brazilian Aircraft.
The UAR navy in the Western Mediterranean will prevent Brazilian ships from docking in Algeria. The main ports of Oran and Algiers will be monitored by air and sea, and will intercept and sink any Brazilian shipping entering the territory. Any Algerian aircraft deployed to intercept the UAR's forces will be shot down. The UAR's newest aircraft dates from the 1980s and is roughly comparably to the F-16. They would presumably be unable to lock onto the UAR's Delta Dart-IIs and would thus be easily grounded should they attempt to lock on. The Algerian air defense system will be spoofed by an Boeing E-3 to paint a picture of a clear sky should it be activated for whatever reason.
Moreover, the UAR's air defense network already deployed over Tunisia would be able to detect and knock out any retaliation from the Algerian air force, with the air defense system's range covering much of the populated portions of the Algerian heartland in the north.
The UAR's air defense network boasts powerful early warning radar that would presumably detect the Brazilian deployment. Integration and cooperation between Laurentian and UAR forces would presumably mean that early warning radar in West Africa and Morocco would be informed of the aircraft approaching, relaying this information to the UAR and allowing aircraft already in theater to deploy to intercept.
Elsewhere, the UAR's air defense will be placed on high alert and AEW&C aircraft will be mobilized in order to detect surprise attacks in the Maghreb. (guessing if they try attacking elsewhere for whatever reason I get to write more orders then)
m: Since I am not sure if the deployment is considered a done deal or if I can intercept it in the air, I created two sets of orders.
[If the equipment was fully delivered and bases set up for whatever reason (doesn't make sense but sometimes it do be like that)]
The airspace over Algeria will similarly be patrolled by 150 Delta Dart IIs and a small group of 2 Boeing E-3s which will launch AGM-201A Arrow packages at the S-400 and Siper Sam systems operated by Brazil at standoff range. The E-3s will spoof the early warning radar systems to present a picture of clear skies as the Delta Dart-IIs launch a combined salvo of 480 A2G missiles for SEAD purposes on the Brazilian SDAP-20 Mk2 and Siper Systems, with another 240 JASSM-XR missiles directly targeting Brazilian aircraft on the ground. The E-3 spoofing should buy enough time for the the aircraft to launch their initial payloads before Brazil is able to scramble its aircraft on the ground. F-16CJs will be utilized in tandem with the Delta Darts for EW purposes to help confuse air defenses and communications infrastructure as the Brazilians scramble to figure out what is going on.
The UAR's navy will also simultaneously launch cruise missile strikes with conventional Nuh and Tomahawk cruise missiles fired from the Western Mediterranean directly onto the bases in question. While the cruise missiles should be sufficient to eliminate Brazil's air defense systems and forces due to the Azanian precedent, in the worst case scenario they would be enough to distract the air defenses while the remaining A2G missiles decimate the bases in question.
Aïn Oussera Airport and Aguenar – Hadj Bey Akhamok Airport are legitimate targets for this operation and all Brazilian targets are to be eliminated.
[If the equipment was not set up allowing an interception]
The UAR will deploy Delta Dart IIs which are not trackable by the aging Algerian air defense systems. They will utilize their stealth features and quantum radar to identify incoming Cargo Transports over Morocco or Mali and will neutralize them before they are able to land. Firing at the cargo planes and stealth fighters at stand off range, the UAR will prevent the delivery of Brazilian systems and by extension the development of Brazilian bases. Patrols through pro-Laurentian territories may be used when possible to encircle the country and prevent engaging the Algerian air force to minimize their casualties. When it is not possible to intercept over Mali, Morocco, or the Mediterranean, the UAR will utilize the Delta Dart II's stealth features to intercept enemy aircraft within Algerian airspace without them knowing. If they intercept and pose a threat, then the pilots will have a green-light to defend themselves.
Similarly, the UAR's navy will target Brazilian shipping coming into Algeria with Brazilian ships delivering troops and equipment being sunk on sight. The larger UAR navy should dissuade the Algerian navy from interfering as it would only cause their ships to get damaged. If ships are to interfere, they too will be sunk by large missile salvos from the much larger Ticonderoga Class Cruisers and Arleigh Burke Missile Destroyers. Given that Brazil will have to cross the straits of Gibraltar if it wishes to deploy by sea, submarines camping in the area would be utilized to strike their shipping as it crosses the choke-point preventing a deployment.
The UAR's sizable deployment can deploy thousands of anti-ship missiles as well as boasts powerful anti-ballistic and anti-cruise missile capabilities that could by sheer number of missiles overcome the Brazilian navy sitting at port in Lisbon. The UAR's surveillance satellites will monitor the Lisbon port and track the Brazilian navy's movement. Should it fire munitions or maneuver within range of the UAR navy, it will be decimated by a barrage of cruise missiles and Air Launched AShMs launched by the Delta Darts. The UAR navy will remain within range of the fleet to prevent it from moving to positions where it may out-range the UAR. Nonetheless, the UAR's large amount of air launched cruise missiles, its ballistic missiles, as well as its large anti-air defense systems can be used to prevent this from occurring. Note that the UAR will not engage the navy unless it engages us, instead opting to maneuver to be in a position to threaten it should it attempt anything.
Message to the Algerian People
Utilizing the KJ-3000 for psychological operations as well as radio and media, the UAR will clarify that it does not seek to invade Algeria but seeks only to remove the Brazilian presence. It will state that the UAR believes only in democratic principles and does not seek to invade a neighboring Arab country or cause its people harm.
The message will stress that the UAR does not support the current regime's stance on Brazil, and that Brazil is a colonialist state no difference than France during the occupation. It will be made clear that no bases will be tolerated on Algerian territory, and that the UAR will fight for Arab independence, be it as part of the UAR or an independent Algeria.
Message to the Algerian Government
Should the Algerian Armed Forces engage our own, we will make it clear to them that the UAR does not seek to fight Algeria or does it wish to cost them their military equipment. The UAR is acting solely to prevent Brazil from encircling our nation and occupying Algeria the same way it occupied Angola. Should the Army stand down and refrain from assisting Brazil in anti-UAR operations, the UAR would not harm them or expensive Algerian weapons systems. The UAR does not wish to spill Arab blood.
Total Deployed Forces
Naval Deployment (Eastern Med. Carrier Group)
Amount Ship
1 Nimitz Class Aircraft Carrier
x24 Delta Dart II
x16 Silorsky AH ASW
x50 F-16C
2 Arleigh Burke Class V Missile Destroyer
6 Arleigh Burke Class II Missile Destroyer
5 Ticonderoga Class Cruiser
1 Independence Class LCS
1 Sea Fighter LCS
3 Al-Riyadh Class AA Frigate
5 Sea Hunter Autonomous Sub Killer
3 Type 209/1400mod-class submarine
Naval Deployment (Western Med. Carrier Groups)
Amount Ship
2 Nimitz Class Aircraft Carrier
x48 Delta Dart II
x18 Sikorsky SH-60B Seahawk
x16 Skyborg
x16 Silorsky SH3 Sea King
x40 F-35
2 Arleigh Burke Class V Missile Destroyer
12 Arleigh Burke Class II Missile Destroyer
12 Ticonderoga Class Cruiser
1 Independence Class LCS
4 Oliver Hazard Perry-class Missile frigate
1 FREMM Frigate
4 Gowind-class corvette
4 Ambassador MK III missile craft
5 Sea Hunter Autonomous Sub Killer
2 Type 209/1400mod-class Submarine
2 Virginia Class Submarine
Atlantic Ocean:
2 Los Angeles Class Submarine
Gibraltar:
1 Los Angeles Class Submarine
Air Deployment:
Amount Aircraft
150 Delta Dart II
120 Delta Dart I
150 Skyborg Companion Aircraft (for the F-5Cs)
120 F-15E Strike Eagle
5 JH-9 Fighter-Bomber
20 Shenyang F-60 5th Gen
5 F-16CJ ELINT
2 EC-130 ELINT
3 KJ-3000 EW aircraft
3 Boeing E-3 AEW&C
Air Defenses in Tunisia
Amount System Type
5 LPD-1 Laser Point Defense System
10 Ramah-II Air Defense System ADS/ACM
5 HQ-90 ABM System ABM
submitted by globalwp to worldpowers [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 18:47 alexyxray Artist Case Study - Common

Common is a Rap legend. He also is an actor, activist, writer, social entrepreneur and more. One of the most successful artists to ever come from Chicago he is a role model that anyone pursuing a career in entertainment should follow. But he was not always the well rounded man we know today.
Common’s debut album “Can I Borrow A Dollar?” was an underwhelming endeavor that left critics wanting more and didn’t really resonate with fans. Instead of letting that failure on the grand stage dictate his life trajectory he looked inward and adjusted his outlook on life. He engaged with spiritual texts, listened to more music outside of Rap such as Jazz, and centered his vision for himself. His journey is one that many can learn from as a role model. So let us take a retrospective on his life and career to find things to help us all grow as creatives and people.
1. Be Active In Your Community
Common has always had a passion for creating initiatives and awareness campaigns for the communities he belongs to and came from. For example he created a jobs program with the CEO of Starbucks. He is always raising awareness with both his song lyrics and his actions. This is one thing many young artists miss out on: it’s a balance, talk is cheap, walking the walk is the best way to gain credibility as someone who is serious about improving the lives of others.
Many of the same people who Common helped are the same ones sharing his music, movies, etc because they have a vested interested in someone like him continuing to win. Be the type of person who pays things forward and the universe and the people will pay you back if you put the mission first. Even if you’re not a conscious artist per se having some sort of involvement in the community is imperative to being a respected member of your community. Build sweat equity and no one can deny your contributions. Look at someone like G-Herbo and his community outreach for example.
2. Learn How To Communicate Emotions Effectively
Trying to be a professional artist is incredibly hard. It takes a fusing of personal life and career life that makes boundaries hard to define. Art is inherently emotional while business is the opposite. Having a team of people around you that you can communicate openly with is important. Including a therapist, significant other, manager, friend, mentor, etc. Business can be ruined by emotions getting in the way of things. So if you can convey them effectively you have a better chance of succeeding.
In Paul Allen’s book Artist Management For The Music Business he says “learn to put stressors in perspective. The most effective artist managers are those who are not prone to take the actions or inactions of others personally.” The same can be applied to artists. Oftentimes gatekeepers will only pay attention to you if you fit into their own personal agenda. It is what it is and the sooner you can accept that the more efficiently you can move from one failure to the next success.
3. Bring People Into Your World
Common feels that hip-hop artists are leaders. They're influencers. They educate people about their own life and perspective. What they see on a day to day basis is conveyed through their art both visually and audibly. It helps people learn about different cultures and ways of life. Common has always painted vivid images of the Southside of Chicago, the Black experience in America, and the virtues of spirituality.
The realness of his lyrics stimulates and educates listeners in his medium of choice and keeps them coming back for more.
4. Don't Just Find Collaborators, Find Partners In Your Career
Common in his early career met No I.D. and made him his producer. No ID originally was a rapper who made his own beats but Common wouldn’t relent and pestered him into sharing them. The two recorded his first demo tape that eventually got him signed to his first deal.
The two would go on to create a fruitful partnership that withstood the test of time. It helped Common elevate himself as an MC and No I.D. to elevate himself as a producer. They grew together and it gave them both identity and the ability to spread the word about each other while residually helping themselves.
5. Diversify Your Talents As An Entertainer
Musicians are charismatic. They have to be to perform for crowds. That skillset can carry over well to other forms of entertainment. Master your craft first but don’t be afraid to have other interests. Once you find a foundation after you build your skillset learn to diversify the fields you’re in. This is how great partnerships are made.
Don’t just make yourself valuable to people in music, make yourself valuable to people in the film world by offering to act in up and coming directors short films. Offer to perform pro bono at art galleries if you want to be a part of that world or if you paint you can even contribute a piece! Find overlapping interests and create win-win partnerships.
6. Invest Into The Next Generation Of Creatives
Common's career has had many stages. in 2002 his album ‘Electric Circus’ flopped. Partly due to a lack of musical direction but also his label had been absorbed which resulted in him being less of a priority. In 2004 he signed with his friend Kanye West’s new label imprint GOOD Music. The two had met way back in 1996 because Kanye was an understudy of No I.D. so they kept in contact. Common noticed that Ye’s hunger was different than others over the years. After appearing on Kanye’s debut ‘The College Dropout’ Common enlisted him to produce the vast majority of his comeback album entitled ‘Be’.
‘Be’ helped Common go from underground legend to overall Hip-Hop legend. It was his greatest commercial success to date and was nominated for 4 Grammys. This second career renaissance was largely thanks to finding a young Kanye West and the two pooling their collective energy to create something special. This partnership helped push Common's career to greater heights.
7. Don't Let Music Issues Lead Into Life Issues
Common once had a famous beef with Ice Cube over a perceived slight in his song "I Used To Love H.E.R." The two almost resorted to violence until Louis Farrakhan had them squash it. Common learned from this incident and realized that if an issue starts in music it should stay in music. Losing your life or risking bodily harm over reputation and trying to look tough will not benefit your career. It will actively hurt it if anything.
This applies to other aspects of your music career. Don't go scorched earth if you have other options, even if you have been wronged, it usually makes you look just as bad as the person you are trying to bring down in a public setting. People remember these things and if you don't want to be known as a hothead who puts people at risk then make sure to understand that music is not always real life.
8. Create A Collective Of Likeminded Individuals
In 2000 Common’s fourth album ‘Like Water For Chocolate’ was his first project that was certified Gold. It was given critical acclaim and was executive produced by Questlove and featured J. Dilla all over it. These were people he met as part of a collective known as The Soulquarians.
This group consisting of Common, Dilla, The Roots, Erykah Badu, D’Angelo, Blackstar, Bilal, Q-Tip, and James Poyser was a musical powerhouse. All these artists frequently collaborated on each other’s projects pushing each other and helping expand their respective reaches. Being able to find people who can tap into a shared understanding for your art and career will take you places that you may never be able to achieve on your own.
Thanks for reading! For more artist case studies feel free to check out our blog or TwitteInstagram @zoeticmgmt
submitted by alexyxray to hiphop101 [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 18:40 alexyxray Artist Case Study - Common: Finding A Forever Plan

Common is a Rap legend. He also is an actor, activist, writer, social entrepreneur and more. One of the most successful artists to ever come from Chicago he is a role model that anyone pursuing a career in entertainment should follow. But he was not always the well rounded man we know today.
Common’s debut album “Can I Borrow A Dollar?” was an underwhelming endeavor that left critics wanting more and didn’t really resonate with fans. Instead of letting that failure on the grand stage dictate his life trajectory he looked inward and adjusted his outlook on life. He engaged with spiritual texts, listened to more music outside of Rap such as Jazz, and centered his vision for himself. His journey is one that many can learn from as a role model. So let us take a retrospective on his life and career to find things to help us all grow as creatives and people.
1. Be Active In Your Community
Common has always had a passion for creating initiatives and awareness campaigns for the communities he belongs to and came from. For example he created a jobs program with the CEO of Starbucks. He is always raising awareness with both his song lyrics and his actions. This is one thing many young artists miss out on: it’s a balance, talk is cheap, walking the walk is the best way to gain credibility as someone who is serious about improving the lives of others.
Many of the same people who Common helped are the same ones sharing his music, movies, etc because they have a vested interested in someone like him continuing to win. Be the type of person who pays things forward and the universe and the people will pay you back if you put the mission first. Even if you’re not a conscious artist per se having some sort of involvement in the community is imperative to being a respected member of your community. Build sweat equity and no one can deny your contributions. Look at someone like G-Herbo and his community outreach for example.
2. Learn How To Communicate Emotions Effectively
Trying to be a professional artist is incredibly hard. It takes a fusing of personal life and career life that makes boundaries hard to define. Art is inherently emotional while business is the opposite. Having a team of people around you that you can communicate openly with is important. Including a therapist, significant other, manager, friend, mentor, etc. Business can be ruined by emotions getting in the way of things. So if you can convey them effectively you have a better chance of succeeding.
In Paul Allen’s book Artist Management For The Music Business he says “learn to put stressors in perspective. The most effective artist managers are those who are not prone to take the actions or inactions of others personally.” The same can be applied to artists. Oftentimes gatekeepers will only pay attention to you if you fit into their own personal agenda. It is what it is and the sooner you can accept that the more efficiently you can move from one failure to the next success.
3. Bring People Into Your World
Common feels that hip-hop artists are leaders. They're influencers. They educate people about their own life and perspective. What they see on a day to day basis is conveyed through their art both visually and audibly. It helps people learn about different cultures and ways of life. Common has always painted vivid images of the Southside of Chicago, the Black experience in America, and the virtues of spirituality.
The realness of his lyrics stimulates and educates listeners in his medium of choice and keeps them coming back for more.
4. Don't Just Find Collaborators, Find Partners In Your Career
Common in his early career met No I.D. and made him his producer. No ID originally was a rapper who made his own beats but Common wouldn’t relent and pestered him into sharing them. The two recorded his first demo tape that eventually got him signed to his first deal.
The two would go on to create a fruitful partnership that withstood the test of time. It helped Common elevate himself as an MC and No I.D. to elevate himself as a producer. They grew together and it gave them both identity and the ability to spread the word about each other while residually helping themselves.
5. Diversify Your Talents As An Entertainer
Musicians are charismatic. They have to be to perform for crowds. That skillset can carry over well to other forms of entertainment. Master your craft first but don’t be afraid to have other interests. Once you find a foundation after you build your skillset learn to diversify the fields you’re in. This is how great partnerships are made.
Don’t just make yourself valuable to people in music, make yourself valuable to people in the film world by offering to act in up and coming directors short films. Offer to perform pro bono at art galleries if you want to be a part of that world or if you paint you can even contribute a piece! Find overlapping interests and create win-win partnerships.
6. Invest Into The Next Generation Of Creatives
Common's career has had many stages. in 2002 his album ‘Electric Circus’ flopped. Partly due to a lack of musical direction but also his label had been absorbed which resulted in him being less of a priority. In 2004 he signed with his friend Kanye West’s new label imprint GOOD Music. The two had met way back in 1996 because Kanye was an understudy of No I.D. so they kept in contact. Common noticed that Ye’s hunger was different than others over the years. After appearing on Kanye’s debut ‘The College Dropout’ Common enlisted him to produce the vast majority of his comeback album entitled ‘Be’.
‘Be’ helped Common go from underground legend to overall Hip-Hop legend. It was his greatest commercial success to date and was nominated for 4 Grammys. This second career renaissance was largely thanks to finding a young Kanye West and the two pooling their collective energy to create something special. This partnership helped push Common's career to greater heights.
7. Don't Let Music Issues Lead Into Life Issues
Common once had a famous beef with Ice Cube over a perceived slight in his song "I Used To Love H.E.R." The two almost resorted to violence until Louis Farrakhan had them squash it. Common learned from this incident and realized that if an issue starts in music it should stay in music. Losing your life or risking bodily harm over reputation and trying to look tough will not benefit your career. It will actively hurt it if anything.
This applies to other aspects of your music career. Don't go scorched earth if you have other options, even if you have been wronged, it usually makes you look just as bad as the person you are trying to bring down in a public setting. People remember these things and if you don't want to be known as a hothead who puts people at risk then make sure to understand that music is not always real life.
8. Create A Collective Of Likeminded Individuals
In 2000 Common’s fourth album ‘Like Water For Chocolate’ was his first project that was certified Gold. It was given critical acclaim and was executive produced by Questlove and featured J. Dilla all over it. These were people he met as part of a collective known as The Soulquarians.
This group consisting of Common, Dilla, The Roots, Erykah Badu, D’Angelo, Blackstar, Bilal, Q-Tip, and James Poyser was a musical powerhouse. All these artists frequently collaborated on each other’s projects pushing each other and helping expand their respective reaches. Being able to find people who can tap into a shared understanding for your art and career will take you places that you may never be able to achieve on your own.
Thanks for reading! For more artist case studies feel free to check out our TwitteInstagram @zoeticmgmt
submitted by alexyxray to makinghiphop [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 18:30 alexyxray Artist Case Study - Common: Finding A Forever Plan

Common is a Rap legend. He also is an actor, activist, writer, social entrepreneur and more. One of the most successful artists to ever come from Chicago he is a role model that anyone pursuing a career in entertainment should follow. But he was not always the well rounded man we know today.
Common’s debut album “Can I Borrow A Dollar?” was an underwhelming endeavor that left critics wanting more and didn’t really resonate with fans. Instead of letting that failure on the grand stage dictate his life trajectory he looked inward and adjusted his outlook on life. He engaged with spiritual texts, listened to more music outside of Rap such as Jazz, and centered his vision for himself. His journey is one that many can learn from as a role model. So let us take a retrospective on his life and career to find things to help us all grow as creatives and people.
1. Be Active In Your Community
Common has always had a passion for creating initiatives and awareness campaigns for the communities he belongs to and came from. For example he created a jobs program with the CEO of Starbucks. He is always raising awareness with both his song lyrics and his actions. This is one thing many young artists miss out on: it’s a balance, talk is cheap, walking the walk is the best way to gain credibility as someone who is serious about improving the lives of others.
Many of the same people who Common helped are the same ones sharing his music, movies, etc because they have a vested interested in someone like him continuing to win. Be the type of person who pays things forward and the universe and the people will pay you back if you put the mission first. Even if you’re not a conscious artist per se having some sort of involvement in the community is imperative to being a respected member of your community. Build sweat equity and no one can deny your contributions. Look at someone like G-Herbo and his community outreach for example.
2. Learn How To Communicate Emotions Effectively
Trying to be a professional artist is incredibly hard. It takes a fusing of personal life and career life that makes boundaries hard to define. Art is inherently emotional while business is the opposite. Having a team of people around you that you can communicate openly with is important. Including a therapist, significant other, manager, friend, mentor, etc. Business can be ruined by emotions getting in the way of things. So if you can convey them effectively you have a better chance of succeeding.
In Paul Allen’s book Artist Management For The Music Business he says “learn to put stressors in perspective. The most effective artist managers are those who are not prone to take the actions or inactions of others personally.” The same can be applied to artists. Oftentimes gatekeepers will only pay attention to you if you fit into their own personal agenda. It is what it is and the sooner you can accept that the more efficiently you can move from one failure to the next success.
3. Bring People Into Your World
Common feels that hip-hop artists are leaders. They're influencers. They educate people about their own life and perspective. What they see on a day to day basis is conveyed through their art both visually and audibly. It helps people learn about different cultures and ways of life. Common has always painted vivid images of the Southside of Chicago, the Black experience in America, and the virtues of spirituality.
The realness of his lyrics stimulates and educates listeners in his medium of choice and keeps them coming back for more.
4. Don't Just Find Collaborators, Find Partners In Your Career
Common in his early career met No I.D. and made him his producer. No ID originally was a rapper who made his own beats but Common wouldn’t relent and pestered him into sharing them. The two recorded his first demo tape that eventually got him signed to his first deal.
The two would go on to create a fruitful partnership that withstood the test of time. It helped Common elevate himself as an MC and No I.D. to elevate himself as a producer. They grew together and it gave them both identity and the ability to spread the word about each other while residually helping themselves.
5. Diversify Your Talents As An Entertainer
Musicians are charismatic. They have to be to perform for crowds. That skillset can carry over well to other forms of entertainment. Master your craft first but don’t be afraid to have other interests. Once you find a foundation after you build your skillset learn to diversify the fields you’re in. This is how great partnerships are made.
Don’t just make yourself valuable to people in music, make yourself valuable to people in the film world by offering to act in up and coming directors short films. Offer to perform pro bono at art galleries if you want to be a part of that world or if you paint you can even contribute a piece! Find overlapping interests and create win-win partnerships.
6. Invest Into The Next Generation Of Creatives
Common's career has had many stages. in 2002 his album ‘Electric Circus’ flopped. Partly due to a lack of musical direction but also his label had been absorbed which resulted in him being less of a priority. In 2004 he signed with his friend Kanye West’s new label imprint GOOD Music. The two had met way back in 1996 because Kanye was an understudy of No I.D. so they kept in contact. Common noticed that Ye’s hunger was different than others over the years. After appearing on Kanye’s debut ‘The College Dropout’ Common enlisted him to produce the vast majority of his comeback album entitled ‘Be’.
‘Be’ helped Common go from underground legend to overall Hip-Hop legend. It was his greatest commercial success to date and was nominated for 4 Grammys. This second career renaissance was largely thanks to finding a young Kanye West and the two pooling their collective energy to create something special. This partnership helped push Common's career to greater heights.
7. Don't Let Music Issues Lead Into Life Issues
Common once had a famous beef with Ice Cube over a perceived slight in his song "I Used To Love H.E.R." The two almost resorted to violence until Louis Farrakhan had them squash it. Common learned from this incident and realized that if an issue starts in music it should stay in music. Losing your life or risking bodily harm over reputation and trying to look tough will not benefit your career. It will actively hurt it if anything.
This applies to other aspects of your music career. Don't go scorched earth if you have other options, even if you have been wronged, it usually makes you look just as bad as the person you are trying to bring down in a public setting. People remember these things and if you don't want to be known as a hothead who puts people at risk then make sure to understand that music is not always real life.
8. Create A Collective Of Likeminded Individuals
In 2000 Common’s fourth album ‘Like Water For Chocolate’ was his first project that was certified Gold. It was given critical acclaim and was executive produced by Questlove and featured J. Dilla all over it. These were people he met as part of a collective known as The Soulquarians.
This group consisting of Common, Dilla, The Roots, Erykah Badu, D’Angelo, Blackstar, Bilal, Q-Tip, and James Poyser was a musical powerhouse. All these artists frequently collaborated on each other’s projects pushing each other and helping expand their respective reaches. Being able to find people who can tap into a shared understanding for your art and career will take you places that you may never be able to achieve on your own.
Thanks for reading if you got this far! For more artist case studies feel free to check out our blog or TwitteInstagram
submitted by alexyxray to hiphopheads [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 05:41 Draemeth [For Hire] Marketing and SEO

My name is Zack Frederick and I started doing marketing several years ago as i began my first yoga ‘e-business', realising very quickly that the difference between me and the next John Doe wasn’t the product but the presentation. So I set about, by trial and error, learning how I could sell more Yoga mats than John Doe. It wasn’t long before I realised I was very good at the marketing aspect, and I didn’t really like things like warehousing and distribution.
Today I’m most interested in building reports, designing paid campaigns and helping with Instagram.
I’ve compiled a few free tips for general marketing and SEO.

Brand awareness

First off. Influencers will not magically make your website successful. You have to be your own influencer. Over my tenor, I have spent thousands on social media analysis, rebranding and learning tricks like sticking state names across American products or even changing the colour of my website depending on the demographics of my audience. Spoilers, guys love red. Here’s an example data set. https://imgur.com/gallery/7OHIx
Last year, I ran a campaign for one of my shoe clients, and we used the pride of state consumers to grow his shoe business. I researched the best colours to use for different states and gave him a list, we put the state names across his shoes and marketed directly to them through instagram. It wasn’t long before his conversion metrics were soaring.
Here's an example report from one of my clients - https://prnt.sc/iisqv8

Value

I have worked with a lot of musicians, a big part of them started with low view, audio-only videos. I learnt quickly that for them to achieve success they had to provide value, so i told them to create videos. They did and then ta-da, they had 4500 views when they only had 200 view music videos before. For the next step, I even got them contacts with massive digital celebrities. My proudest connection having been ‘Ninja’ during the height of his fortnite campaign, I organised the marketing behind several viral Fortnite music parodies with now millions of views.

Trend riding

Make use of trends in your business. If something is so mainstream and big, why ignore it? In the past I have made use of the political trends in the American election with trump AND hillary brands on some of my clients products, with the pro trump and pro hillary supporters wanting to sport their political beliefs no matter the cost.
I see a lot of website based businesses underuse social media with broad attempts at Facebook ads and Instagram ads, ill go to digital marketing agencies and see they either have no social following or a huge botted one. It's a terrible idea to buy followers, if you want to cut corners then you should look at buying a smaller business with a bigger social following.
Here’s the impressions from a tweet I made on the first day of creating a company a twitter platform and using trend riding and collaboration to grow it https://prnt.sc/huziu6 4K Impressions on one tweet in 15 minutes - we hit 80k impressions in the first day. I did this from simply mimiking the formula for success from a similiar company account, i don't want to try change the magic formula for success.

Direction

Adapt

You really do have to stay in touch with your business to know what's working and what isn't, companies like Toys R Us refused to do that and stuck with huge stockpiles of star wars toys and then they collapsed. Blockbusters where ahead of the curve for digital movies and then they refused to change, Netflix changed and Netflix won. Amazon learnt to use online selling and left companies like Tescos with financial crisis.
The big boom in marketing that I’ve seen is social media marketing, marketers can create huge social following for companies and use that platform to sell content for extremely low costs in comparison to the tens of thousands it costs to use other platforms such as radio. Social media marketing has become somewhat controversial, but it is important to always stay open minded.

Collaboration** & Viral content

I can not stress the importance of working with other people. Every billionaire i know of has had a mentor, every big company success story had business partners. I've had far more success in clients who have listened to me and done collaborative work with digital celebs, with a dog product business making thousands of sales when they worked with vlogger Zoella and gave her free products.
Viral content is very important because every Youtuber with over 1 million subscribers has started off big and managed to keep it big, nobody grinded and slowly rose up at an equal exponent. Hard work is fine but being consistent and mixing it up, copying the viral content of others is an easy way of bringing in secondary viewership and traffic. Pewdiepie, the biggest youtuber on the planet, started with viral horror content. Ninja, the biggest streamer, grinded for 7 years but only truly struck gold with the virality of Fortnite. So it makes sense to repeat their methods.

Key words

It is an obvious thing to say but it's neglected, key words are very important. I had a crypto business come to me and ask why their site wasnt doing very well, and i looked through it and saw they never mentioned anything beyond bitcoin. Bitcoin is a very expensive key word to market, with costs of the raw word being as high as 38$ per click. I had to bring them down to earth with harsh truths, i rewrote their entire site using SEM tools in mind - with key words and phrases like "Altcoin exchange" and using the names of the top 100 altcoins across the site.

SEO

Search Engine Optimisation is the name given to increasing the value and raw volume of your organic traffic. A successful website always wants as many of the most likely consumer base to encounter their product because that’s the hardest point of digital business. Your websites SEO is determined by crawlers which regularly check up on your website and update their index which is later used by an algorithm to order results when someone ‘googles’ something.
Today I’m going to be talking you through some key points about SEO that I personally audit for businesses.

Domains

Https://Www.Example.Com is an example of something we call a ‘root domain’ which is made up of protocol (https://) subdomain (www.) domain name (example) and top-level domain (.com). These are the basic parts. It’s important that the protocol is the best and safest it can be or else google will punish you. It’s also important your domain name and top-level domain are appropriate and readable. The words used in your subdomain can also affect how customers interpret your website, websites can be named after their market base for easy marketing. In addition, the age and previous registrations of your domain matter. It’s important these factors are appropriately considered in your website. Be minimal with subdomains.

Targeting

Google knows where it’s users are and what they’re using from their browser data, IPs and MACs and then matches them with websites in their areas or appropriate to searches. Ever since the infamous 2016 update ‘Possum’ it is not something you can ignore. Even jobs based websites had to use the meta data ‘Jobs Schema’ (from 2017 onwards) to tell google where your website was focused. Location specific landing pages matter. You have to pay credence to DNS (domain name server) and Glue to keep TTL (time to load) and mobile in mind, especially with more mobile users than ever. CMS (customs) is also part of this discussion: themes and plugins are a factor in Google’s ranking. One way to improve TTL is through CDN’s and we have to consider how we approach them to rank better. Sometimes, you might face penalties and there are ways to know; that’s a little too hard to explain here but PM me for more.

Content

Nobody loves a book more than google. Robots will read all your website, even the stuff humans don’t bother with. Things like duplication will annoy Google who doesn’t like reading things twice. CTA’s (buttons basically) have to go somewhere nice and if they don’t work properly google will punish you. Human biases are important too. The user experience will effect their retention and Google will clock that. There’s also lots of minor things that can stack up: Filenames (help you rank on Images) Thin content (Google sees it as lazy) phrase diversity (spamming key words is noticed) and URL structures too! Make sure your in and outbound links are healthy as well as having keyword mapping where you assign the correct words to the right pages. Make sure your anchor texts (viewable when linking) are descriptive yet succinct. And finally: link velocity, a healthy eco system of link building is important to longevity and renewed SEO.

Technical Stuff.

Consistent anchor elements are important to prevent 404s. Don’t use abbreviations with naming files and folders. Limit use of dates for file folder names. Your site architecture has to be simple and close to the root domain so the click depth isn’t too great! Links to and from your site can’t be dead ends, and use breadcrumbs! Be wary of canonical issues from similar content across multiple URLs. Treat Cookies and Session IDs properly, privacy laws are ever changed and mismatching them can be dangerous. There’s lots more to go into like header status codes, site maps, GSC Crawl Errors but Reddit has a text limit so I’ve deleted some of my post.

PM me if interested in my services or with questions.

~28-35 USD hourly
submitted by Draemeth to forhire [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 02:01 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] #SoCal4Socal (locals only) - LTR. I'm looking for my guy. He'll love cats and dogs, want marriage and kids.

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years, too.
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, fall in love, get married, raise kids together, with our pets; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship.
I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership.
We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
If my long post is any indication, I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can. I will send things that remind me of you. Tell you how my day went, will want to hear about yours. I miss waking up to a good morning and ending the day with a good night text.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Locals only, because I do want to meet; COVID safe of course.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
If you're allergic to cats and/or dogs, please don't message me. I know from experience, it's not going to go anywhere.
THE LONG POST:
I'll always have indoor pets in my life.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful, The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville, Atypical, rewatching Supernatural.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
(I’m not a cook, so eat out at like Chipotle and poke bowl places.
I like going to fancy restaurants a couple times a year.
I’ll only go to concerts if I’ve got a good seat. This usually means buying the ticket the moment they go on sale. I’m not paying scalper prices.
For travel, I like to do it as economical as possible. Though when I went to Europe I had the fold down seat on the airplane; no way was I flying 17 hours in economy. But it wasn’t the fanciest seat either; it was the middle version.
I like staying at fancy hotels on occasion, but book well in advance to get a good deal, which is about $300/night.
I have a Disneyland annual pass, I do get a cheap hotel there on occasion, when I can be there for 2 days in a row; doggy goes with me. Hopefully you’ll have or want a pass too; if you don’t like going, fine, but help buy them for our kids).
We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma.
Only a guy willing to to get an STD test and wear condoms gets to touch me.
I'm not into any pain, only pleasure, for both parties.
No, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. No we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
Honestly, if we can't have sex at your place, then this isn't going to work out. I'm extremely tired of talking to guys who have all these seemingly reasonable parent/sibling reasons why I can't go to their place. I've had enough. It now sounds to my like guys that are married and trying to find a mistress. I’m sorry if that isn’t you. I tried keeping an open mind, but I can’t do that anymore.
I love the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time. I think that’ll be important when we have kids, and are 10+ years into this.
Honestly, the thought of sharing a bathroom again terrifies me. I think that if it was the social norm for everyone to have their own bathroom, the divorce rate would go way down.
I am looking forward to cuddling before we fall asleep and when we wake up, and having sex every day, ha
I do need to be with someone who is okay with my animals sleeping in the room. My dog sleeps on his own side of my king sized bed. One cat usually sleeps on her own, but about 5 am, insists on sleeping on my feet. The other cat loves is a loaner. He sleep downstairs usually; on occasion he’ll sleep next to the dog.
Hopefully we can find some kind of compromise; maybe move to a duplex or we'd have a very big home, with a master bedroom, with attached his and her bathrooms.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
In the subject line, please put your eye color. This helps me weed through the guys who only claim to read my post. And if you really want me to respond, then mention things that we have in common. I’ve included more than enough things to kick off a conversation.
Those who need NOT apply:
submitted by RedditSuggestName to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 01:59 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] #SoCal4Socal (locals only) - LTR. I'm looking for my guy. He'll love cats and dogs, want marriage and kids.

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years, too.
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, fall in love, get married, raise kids together, with our pets; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship.
I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership.
We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
If my long post is any indication, I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can. I will send things that remind me of you. Tell you how my day went, will want to hear about yours. I miss waking up to a good morning and ending the day with a good night text.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Locals only, because I do want to meet; COVID safe of course.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
If you're allergic to cats and/or dogs, please don't message me. I know from experience, it's not going to go anywhere.
THE LONG POST:
I'll always have indoor pets in my life.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful, The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville, Atypical, rewatching Supernatural.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
(I’m not a cook, so eat out at like Chipotle and poke bowl places.
I like going to fancy restaurants a couple times a year.
I’ll only go to concerts if I’ve got a good seat. This usually means buying the ticket the moment they go on sale. I’m not paying scalper prices.
For travel, I like to do it as economical as possible. Though when I went to Europe I had the fold down seat on the airplane; no way was I flying 17 hours in economy. But it wasn’t the fanciest seat either; it was the middle version.
I like staying at fancy hotels on occasion, but book well in advance to get a good deal, which is about $300/night.
I have a Disneyland annual pass, I do get a cheap hotel there on occasion, when I can be there for 2 days in a row; doggy goes with me. Hopefully you’ll have or want a pass too; if you don’t like going, fine, but help buy them for our kids).
We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma.
Only a guy willing to to get an STD test and wear condoms gets to touch me.
I'm not into any pain, only pleasure, for both parties.
No, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. No we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
Honestly, if we can't have sex at your place, then this isn't going to work out. I'm extremely tired of talking to guys who have all these seemingly reasonable parent/sibling reasons why I can't go to their place. I've had enough. It now sounds to my like guys that are married and trying to find a mistress. I’m sorry if that isn’t you. I tried keeping an open mind, but I can’t do that anymore.
I love the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time. I think that’ll be important when we have kids, and are 10+ years into this.
Honestly, the thought of sharing a bathroom again terrifies me. I think that if it was the social norm for everyone to have their own bathroom, the divorce rate would go way down.
I am looking forward to cuddling before we fall asleep and when we wake up, and having sex every day, ha
I do need to be with someone who is okay with my animals sleeping in the room. My dog sleeps on his own side of my king sized bed. One cat usually sleeps on her own, but about 5 am, insists on sleeping on my feet. The other cat loves is a loaner. He sleep downstairs usually; on occasion he’ll sleep next to the dog.
Hopefully we can find some kind of compromise; maybe move to a duplex or we'd have a very big home, with a master bedroom, with attached his and her bathrooms.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
In the subject line, please put your eye color. This helps me weed through the guys who only claim to read my post. And if you really want me to respond, then mention things that we have in common. I’ve included more than enough things to kick off a conversation.
Those who need NOT apply:
submitted by RedditSuggestName to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 23:55 Xemnas81 Incel-ish social anxiety, status anxiety and insecurity thoughts creeping back in during 2nd lockdown

Well my country's back in a lockdown for most of the winter. I started to get more confident during the first lockdown and the summer relaxation of social distancing (although I didn't go out all that much at summer) but, this autumn/fall and the second lockdown's been much harder for me social anxiety wise. I think because unlike the first one, where it was a radical shift from the rat race of unemployment, suddenly I had time to connect with people and work on my mental health. I was in therapy doing CBT until around July and I came off Zoloft sometime in June. The autumn has felt tougher in some ways, in part because I'm on Facebook far less so I feel disconnected from a lot of the world now. Before, the discussions I was generating on there provided me with some sort of value, that I was contributing to the world. Although I have been working on being able to do that in meatspace with studying, it's becoming apparent that it could be a while before I can put my knowledge into practice. I've mentioned in a previous post that what originally started as an anti-social-media-addiction plan to reduce Facebook with my therapist has turned into an avoidance mechanism, but the circumstances which I reduced social media in make that hard to change.
For the most part, the obsessive aspect to inceldom has dissipated, but I still feel self-conscious, like there's a clock ticking to 'improve myself' before it's too late and that I need to pass a bar before I can take risks. Also that everybody around me is better than me and I need to catch up-I'm always catching up. Realistically it's unlikely I will, and I need to be content with that, but it's difficult-especially being unplugged so much from my broader network.
A concrete example, because I know I'm often vague and abstract, is training to be a teaching assistant. Firstly, obviously TAs don't exactly make much money, and right now I need to even find a school to work in. Although I'm mostly comfortable in terms of 'I'm deconstructing gender roles' at the social level, being vulnerable about it dating or on OLD is a different matter. I'm afraid it's likely I'll be rejected by a lot of women because it's not enough money to support a family on. Secondly, the safeguarding aspect to that and the high likelihood of getting barred if it's ever found out I was involved in incel communities is already making me nervous.
I have friends and a support group to lean on, but I consider them a comfort zone that I'm getting too dependent on. Tbh there aren't many people my age in the support group even, so I find that a bit awkward. Some of these friends are lovely people, but with bad habits that match mine (for example sleeping at irregular hours, so we could be messaging each other at 3am.)
Also it's hard for my friends to help me with all of this. For example my best friend is actually quite aggressively pro-lockdown pro-social-distancing; the government discussed letting families meet for Christmas and he said "no, tough shit, you wouldn't let people meet for Diwali or Eid." For him the mental health crisis from social distancing is mostly just people being snowflakes and selfish. He is justified to feel like that tbf since his dad died last year and he's living with his mum who is immunocompromised, so he's obviously going to be protective. I am also pro social distancing, but I acknowledge there is a mental health risk from it. Still, I mentioned my worry about relapse to him earlier today and he ignored it. Similarly, because he's quite sensitive to the fact a lot of my acquaintances had views he...strongly disagreed with, he wanted me to consider cutting them off, but for me that means 'losing status' and social connections which I was and am reluctant to do.
I have hobbies but these can sometimes lead to avoidance or I feel be too niche for most people. For example reading philosophy, I joined a philosophy group-not a Discord server but like that on another app-and...I didn't talk to anybody the whole time. I just listened. It wasn't a waste of money intellectually but it was socially. Similarly I'm finding singing and music e.g. karaoke apps fun, but often this is solitary or just pretending to socialise with strangers. Finally, I worry that my knowledge and skill in these areas aren't good enough to be impressive/I'm a beginner, so what is there to share? Certainly sharing starting to learn a new skill with women feels like it'd come across as more like a kid brother than a man-and for me a lot of losing virginity is more tied to feeling like an adult male/not a child. I know that is basically toxic masculinity in action but struggle with it anyway lol.
Things I'm currently stuck on socially and emotionally are:
I hope this makes sense. The long and short of it is I feel I'm getting more neurotic and socially sensitive, less mindful-which means I'm at risk of relapse. I feel calm now because I slept well for once, but I don't know how much longer that will last. Therapy isn't an option and I'm not sure I'd learn anything new, it might be putting it back into practice. Friends are able to support but can only help so much and some don't want to hear *any* complaints about social distancing's effect on mental health.
Also just because I know this is meant to be used as a deradicalisation sub, the incel thoughts are basically the status anxiety i.e. "I cannot ask a girl out/talk to a female friend until I have achieved X impressive thing or I will bore them or they'll pity me"-but then I'm putting off reaching out for weeks...
submitted by Xemnas81 to IncelExit [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 20:22 Forgetaboutthelonely How feminist shaming tactics needlessly cause lasting sexual repression or guilt in a subset of men most sympathetic to feminist concerns.

A crosspost from /LeftWingMaleAdvocates Because I felt like a lot of people there resonated with this post and I would like to share it more.
When I was a young man I saw myself as a proud feminist. I thought, "what kind of person wouldn't stand up for women's rights?" I had no problem with wearing pink t-shirts, having female friends, or stereotypically feminine interests like playing princess or having tea parties. Though, as I got older, borders seemed to vanish. I even remember playing barbies with my neighbors so much, one year I asked my parents for a barbie dream carriage for Christmas. And they got it for me. They were super progressive about this stuff. But I was also bullied heavily for a number of reasons. And come high school, there was an elective course on women's studies offered.
And the girls enrolled in it. And used what they learned as a bludgeon to bully the guys they didn't like. It wasn't just that they disliked the guy who asked them out awkwardly. Now, he was a creepy entitled misogynist objectifying them. Any guy they didn't like who talked about girls and his attraction to them (as hormone-filled teenage boys do) were labeled as sexual abusers and predators. The message we got was clear: "As a man, you do NOT show your interest unless she expresses hers first."
And remember. Men shoulder almost the entirety of social pressure to approach and initiate. We're not given a manual on how to do this. So it's going to be awkward sometimes. Please don't hate us or shame us for that.
as a guy we don't get the luxury to wait on the sidelines for someone to approach us. For the most part girls will not initiate dates or ask us out or approach first
So if we don't want to be alone. we have to approach and initiate. And we have to do so right off the bat. Lest we be seen "hiding our intentions"
That constant rejection shit grinds us down. And some guys don't react well after dealing with that. and lash out. And I'm sorry for that. But it's not like we want it to be this way.
In a more egalitarian society this imbalance wouldn't exist. Women wouldn't feel restrained for whatever reason to not openly express their interest and men wouldn't feel the constant need to always have this "i have to impress the girl" mode on.
I internalized this for years and it pushed me into a number of abusive and manipulative "friendships" with people who used me. Because all we're left with for ways to express interest is being nice or being deceptive.
(This probably wasn't the intended result, but I have never seen the people teaching these classes offer a disclaimer that men weren't the enemy or that male sexuality wasn't horrible, or that women weren't the victim.)
And I dealt with the results of internalizing that up until this right around this year. I watched everybody around me build families. Find love. Struggle through tough times with a partner to lean on. All the while I had nothing. Because nobody was expressing interest in me and I was terrified of doing so first. I struggled through poverty. Through mental health issues that nearly had me taking my own life.
I noticed something else. The friends I had, that were struggling like me, they had help. When one of my guy friends lost his job, his girlfriend and now wife took over while he was looking. When another friend was struggling to make ends meet while trying to go back to school to better themselves, her boyfriend worked so she could study. I had none of that because I was given the message that my desires and sexuality were disgusting and unwanted and I internalized it.
And who wouldn't internalize it in my shoes? These people were academic authorities, sounding so self-assured and believable, with scientific-sounding arguments and fire in their eyes.
Up until this year, I struggled with this issue until I finally snapped. I decided that I was going to stop caring about being a monster., I was going to find somebody online and just push my "toxic desires" onto them. I was going to pressure them with my predatory sexuality and stop giving a fuck about if they thought I was creepy. And so I did. And they reciprocated my interest. They WANTED my interest, they LIKED that I desired them sexually. We hooked up. And then we dated. It didn't last very long. But it still happened. And we're still friends.
And I'm not the only one who has noticed this.
These are great reads on their own if you want. But I'll single out the most important bits for what I'm saying here.
https://theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/106549627991/that-scott-aaronson-thing
I’m a woman. I’m gay. By the time I realized that second thing, I’d internalized that all attraction to women was objectifying and therefore evil. I spent years of my life convinced that it was coercive to make it clear to girls that I wanted to date them, lest they feel pressured. So I could only ask them out with a clear conscience if I was in fact totally indifferent to their answer. I still decide I’m abusive pretty frequently, on the basis of things like ‘i want to kiss her, which is what an abuser would want’ and 'i want to be special to her, which is what an abuser would want’.
I internalized these messages from exposure to feminist memes, norms, and communities. It was feminist messages, not homophobic ones, that made it hardest for me to come to terms with my sexuality. It wasn’t intentional. But it happened. And it has happened by now to enough people that 'well obviously you’re misinterpreting it’ is starting to wear thin as an excuse. Lots and lots of people are misinterpreting the way I did. By and large, we’re vulnerable people. Very often we’re mentally ill or disabled people.
https://www.scottaaronson.com/blog/?p=2091#comment-326664
Here’s the thing: I spent my formative years—basically, from the age of 12 until my mid-20s—feeling not “entitled,” not “privileged,” but terrified. I was terrified that one of my female classmates would somehow find out that I sexually desired her, and that the instant she did, I would be scorned, laughed at, called a creep and a weirdo, maybe even expelled from school or sent to prison. And furthermore, that the people who did these things to me would somehow be morally right to do them—even if I couldn’t understand how.
You can call that my personal psychological problem if you want, but it was strongly reinforced by everything I picked up from my environment: to take one example, the sexual-assault prevention workshops we had to attend regularly as undergrads, with their endless lists of all the forms of human interaction that “might be” sexual harassment or assault, and their refusal, ever, to specify anything that definitely wouldn’t be sexual harassment or assault. I left each of those workshops with enough fresh paranoia and self-hatred to last me through another year.
https://web.archive.org/web/20070917210115/http://www.feministcritics.org/blog/2007/06/19/when-you-have-feminist-guilt-you-dont-need-catholic-guilt/
Feminism can exacerbate a man’s shyness, anxiety, self-consciousness, and guilt exactly because he is working very hard not to be sexist, and because he is sympathetic to feminism. Just as some workers, even conscientious ones, have trouble getting work done out of a perfectionistic fear of making mistakes, some men, even pro-feminist men or proto-feminist men, have trouble interacting with women out of a fear of making what feminism defines as mistakes (it doesn’t help that feminism’s criteria for acceptable behavior and so ambiguous and vague, and fail to clearly distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, but that’s a whole different post).
And to sum them all up. A quote about all three. https://slatestarcodex.com/2015/01/01/untitled/
Scott Aaronson is a straight guy, and he’s saying feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. I’m an asexual heteroromantic guy, and I’m telling her feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. Unitofcaring is a lesbian woman, and she’s saying feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. HughRistik, who is some sort of weird metrosexual something (I mock him because I love him), is telling her feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. A giant cry has arisen from shy awkward men, lesbians, bisexuals, whatever of the world is saying “NO, SERIOUSLY, FEMINIST SHAMING TACTICS ARE MAKING THIS WORSE”
This post was made with help from mewacketergi2
submitted by Forgetaboutthelonely to MensRights [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 18:50 GreatMajesty I am alive. I will survive.

I’ve been ruminating regarding my ex and the experiences we shared, including the difficult end. I decided I would just write hear because my friends and family have be exhausted by my lamentations (Okay, some of them would probably listen, but I still don’t want to burden anyone.)
I wasn’t good in the relationship. If I’m honest, I can admit that I could have been a better person with her. I’m nothing close to the mistakes and negative behaviors I committed during the relationship. I hid things from her, like how much weed I smoked, the amount of porn I watched and when I would see my friends (including when two people I thought were my friends gave me too much acid. It was fucking awful. Worthy of note, the only drugs I’ve done are acid about 4 times, Shrooms 4 times and smoked weed regularly and drank very seldom). I talked to other girls and flirted with them. I never physically cheated, but if we are all honest, emotionally cheating is still cheating. She knew I would hide things from her and I would become cold, distant and angry when she wanted to talk about it. Really I was often cold, distant and angry. I believe this lack of emotional expression was a result of using porn as my coping mechanism since I was 14. Whenever I was depressed or sad, I would masturbate. It’s really hard to be honest about this stuff to complete strangers, but there are some here who will recognize the love and desire to be accepted in my words.
During the relationship, I was depressed. This came from a lack of purpose and meaning. I didn’t get to see my friends as she did not want me around people who were not good or didn’t share my values. After I reconnected with people, I recognized she was right about it all, but still I needed to experience these faulty friendships firsthand. Her desire to isolate me made me want to maintain shit relationships and not recognize the shitty people I was around. They were my mistakes to make. I’m not blaming her because I allowed it to happen, but I internalized this and began to resent her as a result. But I still loved her, and we of course had more good than bad times. This thought leads me to what might have contributed to her negative behaviors in the relationship.
Early on in the relationship, we had an abortion. We are both pro-choice and felt we needed to “live the lives ahead of us” (Both 20 at the time). We are both still pro-choice, but this abortion hurt both of us deeply. I was going to support her decision with her body regardless of my own desires, and both of us were leaning to terminate the pregnancy. I truly do regret it happening, and it absolutely destroyed her. We both promised that we would have children together and have them live the most incredible, loving lives as a way of honoring our child that never came to be. We lived together after knowing each other for a year and a half and dating for 3 months (yes, young love and young mistakes).
She was also depressed during the relationship. After one of our first big fights, she locked herself in a room and cut herself. It was a deep cut, and she claimed it was a lapse in judgment. In the moment, she wanted to end her life, but one very deep cut made her want to live. I think it was this moment that I stopped communicating what I was feeling and started talking to other girls for emotional gratification. This was 5/6 months into the relationship. Another issue for her was the control her mother exerted over our relationship. Whenever there was a complication or my ex behaved in a way outside her mother’s expectations, her mother would threatened to repo the car and cut her off from financial support. My ex was very inconsistent with her jobs during our relationship, as a result I primarily supported us financially in a job that was the furthest occupation from fulfilling. She was in school, while I dropped out because of indecision. I think this also contributed to my distance, pot usage, and general discussions with other girls (these girls either were annoyed by me or they wanted to sleep with me). Either way, they meant nothing, but my ex stopped trusting me even less in the relationship when she found out I was in contact with other women. This mistake completely made her tighten her grip on my life, but I should have been transparent and open regarding it all. Instead I doubled down and just hid things from her and engaged in gaslighting. I was so fucking naive and petty. She really tried to love me, but she was also toxic in her resolve to keep me from others and would hack into my social media to keep tabs on me. This was even before I was talking to anyone else. Ultimately, I should have cut out all people who made her feel uncomfortable or made her doubt my sincerity in love for her.
These were all the bad things. But the good outweighed the bad. We pushed each other to pursue what we loved. We read and did yoga together. She stood by me through my depression and helped me reignite my desire to learn. I supported her when her grandfather passed and she felt she has no friends. For a while, I was her only friend, but I stood by her as she began to recognize her worth and made some friends. We spent hours laughing and smiling whether it was watching meme compilations, watching anime, going to Thursday dinners with her family, playing video games or just discussing books and movies. She was my best friend and I was hers. When I went back to school last fall, I was depressed and my coping mechanism was weed usage. The porn had stalled our sex life and she felt I was uninterested or found her unattractive. (I told her about my porn addiction early on in the relationship. I relapsed around 5 months into our relationship and struggled with it, even til this day. I was so ashamed I couldn’t even bring myself to tell her about my weakness/bullshit.)
And speed up to earlier this year. I was truly making the changes I needed to be better. Stopped smoking weed and stopped engaging in the addictive porn behaviors. I cut out all the women who takes to me and I stopped pursuing them. I wanted to do it on my own, so I was still not transparent with her, but I truly was getting on the right track. But it was too little, too late.
I felt her slipping and then one night in January 31st, she just never came home. Went out with people from her work (she graduated from school in Dec 2019, and got a steady job that January for the first time in a few years), and she never called me or anything. I started blowing up her phone and she consistently forwarded me and then blocked me. Completely ghosted me that night. She spoke to me again after I called her grandmother, with whom I had an excellent relationship. Her grandmother told me my ex didn’t feel she could communicate with me, and that I was more concerned with pot than growth. She told me my ex never had an opportunity to party or go out with friends. That this was just her embrace of a new life with a new job and friends. She had the job for less than a month, but she already traded me for them, or at least that’s what I thought.
A few days later, my ex was extremely apologetic, and she was undergoing mental breakdowns and panic. I told her everything, the porn, the weed, the other girls and how I was stopping all the bullshit for her. She said the apartment we had held a lot of trauma, so she wanted to have a break and some space. She lived with her grandma. After a couple of weeks of this, I asked if she was seeing anyone, as most breaks are because one person wants to see someone new. She said no, and that she would never do that to me. I just kept blaming myself, but I stayed on a path that was best for us and our future. No porn, no drugs or alcohol, just growth. I apologized to her for all the bad things I did, and so did she. I thought I was beginning to rectify my mistakes.
Just before the lockdown, I found out she was seeing someone else. She cheated on me. One night she stayed over and was sexting him as we cuddled in bed (me thinking we were making progress). She left her Facebook messenger open on the laptop, and when I opened it and logged in, the screen already displayed their conversation. I was blindsided and devastated. When I confronted her, she said it meant nothing and it was out of loneliness. I accepted this and still desired to make it work. We got locked down, and she refused to see me. She was playing animal crossing with this guy, and I was blowing up her phone. They were in a relationship on Facebook, but when I left her alone and began to accept the reality it was over, she messaged me stating that she can’t stop drinking and she misses me.
She didn’t know what was wrong with her and that she wanted to be with me. This was mid-March. Over the course of the next few weeks, we had to move out of our apartment. Since January, she left me there and refused to pay any bills or rent because she would only seldom spend time there. I accepted this as fair as I was guilty and regretful over all the bullshit in the past. She worked with this new guy and when she would become distant, I would blow up her phone, pleading and rebuke her for cheating and still engaging in conversation/interactions with him. She said my blowing up her phone was why she kept going back to him. The stress made her go back to him as it was like an “addiction”. She said they only were in a relationship on Facebook because he wanted to do so. That she will end it with him after quarantine because it would be easier as he will get a new job. I believed her. All the while, I kept telling her that I would leave her alone if she wanted me too and I would let her go. She said that was dumb and She wanted a life with me. Mid-April, she said it was over and I needed to leave her alone. It was Easter and she spent the whole day with him. They discussed it and decided she needed to cut things off with me. Sadly, I accepted this and was resolute in my desire to leave her be. The very next morning she called me crying and begging for me back. I was sad, but I did just that. But she still didn’t cut it off with him and told me to wait as she publicly was with him and privately with me. I listen to her. She would bounce from screaming at me to leave her alone to pleading with me to be with her for the rest of our lives. This happened for about a month. One weekend after she refused to come see me, we weren’t speaking with each other. I got really hammered and called her only to find out she blocked me everywhere. She had just ghosted me. This person I was with for four years, just ghosted me completely. After I kept reaching out to her through email and other methods, she demanded I let her go or else. So I accepted it and left her alone. She really ended it this time.
I went a few weeks without talking to her. I made up a pathetic reason to reach out, and she responded that she was pregnant with his baby. She was keeping it. She said she couldn’t go through “it” again. “It” being the pain and anguish from when we got an abortion. I was even more devastated. She blocked me everywhere again. She gave my a half-assed apology. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this, but it did.” This was late May. A few weeks after this, she added me back on Snapchat. By this point, I started therapy and on the advice of my therapist, I explain to my ex that I’m willing to work on things, but if she doesn’t want to be with me, then we need a clean cut. I explained that if the child was born early than anticipated, then I would pursue a pregnancy test. She responded and was livid. She stated I was just trying to make their life together harder and that she didn’t mean to add me, she thought I was someone else because my display name was her one of her friends (this was bullshit, I think her new guy saw my message and she lied to make up for it). I told her “I want you to be happy”. She responded, “We are very happy”. She was cold and explained she and he rarely fought, and if they did, it was civil and resolved. They were a much better match, she explained. As I responded about how I loved her, she blocked me again.
A week later, I sent her message on her Twitter as she unblocked me on a few forms of social media again. I stated that if she wanted to be with me, then I would work with her (I know all my desires and requests for working on the relationship are delusional, but that’s what I felt.) But if she didn’t, then she needed to let me go because I know she has a new life and family on the way. I want a family and life, but I can’t do that while I still think it’s possible with her. I wanted her to tell me one last time that there was no chance for us. If this was the case, she need to leave me alone and let me go. She ignored this message, and immediately tweeted than she and her bf were meeting with a realtor. I don’t know if she read my message, but I think she did. I didn’t mean any of it. I still wanted her in my life and wanted her to bother me. It was essentially self harm just talking to her. This was late June.
Fast forward to now, I’ll often go a week or few without checking her social media, but it is always self-destructive. They are engaged, they bought a house and she goes to the gym I used to go to. I think they might live in the town she and I lived in. She had previously said to me multiple times, that she wanted to leave that town and go somewhere new. Periodically she would shit on me on Twitter, but that has ceased. She would talk about how happy she was to be in a relationship based on growth and willing the other to be better. Her effort was finally matched, she said. It’s been awhile since she said stuff like that too.
It’s been 6 months since she officially ended it. I still have delusional thoughts of getting her back or wondering if she even misses me like I miss her. Most of all, I wish she would give me a sincere apology regarding what happened. Something that would show remorse for how she left me or display some form of respect or adoration for what we shared. She hasn’t reached out to me since June, and I have not reached out to her. I really fucking miss her and what we had. I really do want her to be happy and for everything to work out for her, but part of me wants it to blow up in her face. That she ends up with this relationship failing and her missing me and reaching out, at least to apologize. I feel like an awful person for hoping a partial unhappiness for her. Because she deserves joy and happiness. I’m not sure what will happen. Either way I think I still have hope and that’s what kills me. I still yearn for her to be my best friend and partner again. I know I need to stop checking her social media. I have to let her go.
A couple of questions and a general desire for advice: Do monkey branched relationships/relationships starting from cheating last?
Does she miss me?
I last told her she also had to let me go, she ignored my message, but does that and the guilt from how it ended and her cheating keep her from reaching out?
Most people say dumpers only reach out once their new relationship fails. In anyone’s experience, is this true?
If anyone has experienced something similar to this, what happened and can you give me advice/show solidarity with me?
Any advice/comments in general are welcome.
If you ever see this, B, listen to “Godspeed” by Frank Ocean. Nothing but love from me here.
If you somehow read all of this, reader, then I thank you for your management to listen to my pain and experience my experience. Life is so fucking hard, but it’s easier with people who care. I love you, and I hope we both find ways to love ourselves. My mantra through all of this is how I’ll end it. This mantra came from a book called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love”.
I am alive. I will survive.
submitted by GreatMajesty to ExNoContact [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 18:48 GreatMajesty I am alive. I will survive.

I’ve been ruminating regarding my ex and the experiences we shared, including the difficult end. I decided I would just write hear because my friends and family have be exhausted by my lamentations (Okay, some of them would probably listen, but I still don’t want to burden anyone.)
I wasn’t good in the relationship. If I’m honest, I can admit that I could have been a better person with her. I’m nothing close to the mistakes and negative behaviors I committed during the relationship. I hid things from her, like how much weed I smoked, the amount of porn I watched and when I would see my friends (including when two people I thought were my friends gave me too much acid. It was fucking awful. Worthy of note, the only drugs I’ve done are acid about 4 times, Shrooms 4 times and smoked weed regularly and drank very seldom). I talked to other girls and flirted with them. I never physically cheated, but if we are all honest, emotionally cheating is still cheating. She knew I would hide things from her and I would become cold, distant and angry when she wanted to talk about it. Really I was often cold, distant and angry. I believe this lack of emotional expression was a result of using porn as my coping mechanism since I was 14. Whenever I was depressed or sad, I would masturbate. It’s really hard to be honest about this stuff to complete strangers, but there are some here who will recognize the love and desire to be accepted in my words.
During the relationship, I was depressed. This came from a lack of purpose and meaning. I didn’t get to see my friends as she did not want me around people who were not good or didn’t share my values. After I reconnected with people, I recognized she was right about it all, but still I needed to experience these faulty friendships firsthand. Her desire to isolate me made me want to maintain shit relationships and not recognize the shitty people I was around. They were my mistakes to make. I’m not blaming her because I allowed it to happen, but I internalized this and began to resent her as a result. But I still loved her, and we of course had more good than bad times. This thought leads me to what might have contributed to her negative behaviors in the relationship.
Early on in the relationship, we had an abortion. We are both pro-choice and felt we needed to “live the lives ahead of us” (Both 20 at the time). We are both still pro-choice, but this abortion hurt both of us deeply. I was going to support her decision with her body regardless of my own desires, and both of us were leaning to terminate the pregnancy. I truly do regret it happening, and it absolutely destroyed her. We both promised that we would have children together and have them live the most incredible, loving lives as a way of honoring our child that never came to be. We lived together after knowing each other for a year and a half and dating for 3 months (yes, young love and young mistakes).
She was also depressed during the relationship. After one of our first big fights, she locked herself in a room and cut herself. It was a deep cut, and she claimed it was a lapse in judgment. In the moment, she wanted to end her life, but one very deep cut made her want to live. I think it was this moment that I stopped communicating what I was feeling and started talking to other girls for emotional gratification. This was 5/6 months into the relationship. Another issue for her was the control her mother exerted over our relationship. Whenever there was a complication or my ex behaved in a way outside her mother’s expectations, her mother would threatened to repo the car and cut her off from financial support. My ex was very inconsistent with her jobs during our relationship, as a result I primarily supported us financially in a job that was the furthest occupation from fulfilling. She was in school, while I dropped out because of indecision. I think this also contributed to my distance, pot usage, and general discussions with other girls (these girls either were annoyed by me or they wanted to sleep with me). Either way, they meant nothing, but my ex stopped trusting me even less in the relationship when she found out I was in contact with other women. This mistake completely made her tighten her grip on my life, but I should have been transparent and open regarding it all. Instead I doubled down and just hid things from her and engaged in gaslighting. I was so fucking naive and petty. She really tried to love me, but she was also toxic in her resolve to keep me from others and would hack into my social media to keep tabs on me. This was even before I was talking to anyone else. Ultimately, I should have cut out all people who made her feel uncomfortable or made her doubt my sincerity in love for her.
These were all the bad things. But the good outweighed the bad. We pushed each other to pursue what we loved. We read and did yoga together. She stood by me through my depression and helped me reignite my desire to learn. I supported her when her grandfather passed and she felt she has no friends. For a while, I was her only friend, but I stood by her as she began to recognize her worth and made some friends. We spent hours laughing and smiling whether it was watching meme compilations, watching anime, going to Thursday dinners with her family, playing video games or just discussing books and movies. She was my best friend and I was hers. When I went back to school last fall, I was depressed and my coping mechanism was weed usage. The porn had stalled our sex life and she felt I was uninterested or found her unattractive. (I told her about my porn addiction early on in the relationship. I relapsed around 5 months into our relationship and struggled with it, even til this day. I was so ashamed I couldn’t even bring myself to tell her about my weakness/bullshit.)
And speed up to earlier this year. I was truly making the changes I needed to be better. Stopped smoking weed and stopped engaging in the addictive porn behaviors. I cut out all the women who takes to me and I stopped pursuing them. I wanted to do it on my own, so I was still not transparent with her, but I truly was getting on the right track. But it was too little, too late.
I felt her slipping and then one night in January 31st, she just never came home. Went out with people from her work (she graduated from school in Dec 2019, and got a steady job that January for the first time in a few years), and she never called me or anything. I started blowing up her phone and she consistently forwarded me and then blocked me. Completely ghosted me that night. She spoke to me again after I called her grandmother, with whom I had an excellent relationship. Her grandmother told me my ex didn’t feel she could communicate with me, and that I was more concerned with pot than growth. She told me my ex never had an opportunity to party or go out with friends. That this was just her embrace of a new life with a new job and friends. She had the job for less than a month, but she already traded me for them, or at least that’s what I thought.
A few days later, my ex was extremely apologetic, and she was undergoing mental breakdowns and panic. I told her everything, the porn, the weed, the other girls and how I was stopping all the bullshit for her. She said the apartment we had held a lot of trauma, so she wanted to have a break and some space. She lived with her grandma. After a couple of weeks of this, I asked if she was seeing anyone, as most breaks are because one person wants to see someone new. She said no, and that she would never do that to me. I just kept blaming myself, but I stayed on a path that was best for us and our future. No porn, no drugs or alcohol, just growth. I apologized to her for all the bad things I did, and so did she. I thought I was beginning to rectify my mistakes.
Just before the lockdown, I found out she was seeing someone else. She cheated on me. One night she stayed over and was sexting him as we cuddled in bed (me thinking we were making progress). She left her Facebook messenger open on the laptop, and when I opened it and logged in, the screen already displayed their conversation. I was blindsided and devastated. When I confronted her, she said it meant nothing and it was out of loneliness. I accepted this and still desired to make it work. We got locked down, and she refused to see me. She was playing animal crossing with this guy, and I was blowing up her phone. They were in a relationship on Facebook, but when I left her alone and began to accept the reality it was over, she messaged me stating that she can’t stop drinking and she misses me.
She didn’t know what was wrong with her and that she wanted to be with me. This was mid-March. Over the course of the next few weeks, we had to move out of our apartment. Since January, she left me there and refused to pay any bills or rent because she would only seldom spend time there. I accepted this as fair as I was guilty and regretful over all the bullshit in the past. She worked with this new guy and when she would become distant, I would blow up her phone, pleading and rebuke her for cheating and still engaging in conversation/interactions with him. She said my blowing up her phone was why she kept going back to him. The stress made her go back to him as it was like an “addiction”. She said they only were in a relationship on Facebook because he wanted to do so. That she will end it with him after quarantine because it would be easier as he will get a new job. I believed her. All the while, I kept telling her that I would leave her alone if she wanted me too and I would let her go. She said that was dumb and She wanted a life with me. Mid-April, she said it was over and I needed to leave her alone. It was Easter and she spent the whole day with him. They discussed it and decided she needed to cut things off with me. Sadly, I accepted this and was resolute in my desire to leave her be. The very next morning she called me crying and begging for me back. I was sad, but I did just that. But she still didn’t cut it off with him and told me to wait as she publicly was with him and privately with me. I listen to her. She would bounce from screaming at me to leave her alone to pleading with me to be with her for the rest of our lives. This happened for about a month. One weekend after she refused to come see me, we weren’t speaking with each other. I got really hammered and called her only to find out she blocked me everywhere. She had just ghosted me. This person I was with for four years, just ghosted me completely. After I kept reaching out to her through email and other methods, she demanded I let her go or else. So I accepted it and left her alone. She really ended it this time.
I went a few weeks without talking to her. I made up a pathetic reason to reach out, and she responded that she was pregnant with his baby. She was keeping it. She said she couldn’t go through “it” again. “It” being the pain and anguish from when we got an abortion. I was even more devastated. She blocked me everywhere again. She gave my a half-assed apology. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this, but it did.” This was late May. A few weeks after this, she added me back on Snapchat. By this point, I started therapy and on the advice of my therapist, I explain to my ex that I’m willing to work on things, but if she doesn’t want to be with me, then we need a clean cut. I explained that if the child was born early than anticipated, then I would pursue a pregnancy test. She responded and was livid. She stated I was just trying to make their life together harder and that she didn’t mean to add me, she thought I was someone else because my display name was her one of her friends (this was bullshit, I think her new guy saw my message and she lied to make up for it). I told her “I want you to be happy”. She responded, “We are very happy”. She was cold and explained she and he rarely fought, and if they did, it was civil and resolved. They were a much better match, she explained. As I responded about how I loved her, she blocked me again.
A week later, I sent her message on her Twitter as she unblocked me on a few forms of social media again. I stated that if she wanted to be with me, then I would work with her (I know all my desires and requests for working on the relationship are delusional, but that’s what I felt.) But if she didn’t, then she needed to let me go because I know she has a new life and family on the way. I want a family and life, but I can’t do that while I still think it’s possible with her. I wanted her to tell me one last time that there was no chance for us. If this was the case, she need to leave me alone and let me go. She ignored this message, and immediately tweeted than she and her bf were meeting with a realtor. I don’t know if she read my message, but I think she did. I didn’t mean any of it. I still wanted her in my life and wanted her to bother me. It was essentially self harm just talking to her. This was late June.
Fast forward to now, I’ll often go a week or few without checking her social media, but it is always self-destructive. They are engaged, they bought a house and she goes to the gym I used to go to. I think they might live in the town she and I lived in. She had previously said to me multiple times, that she wanted to leave that town and go somewhere new. Periodically she would shit on me on Twitter, but that has ceased. She would talk about how happy she was to be in a relationship based on growth and willing the other to be better. Her effort was finally matched, she said. It’s been awhile since she said stuff like that too.
It’s been 6 months since she officially ended it. I still have delusional thoughts of getting her back or wondering if she even misses me like I miss her. Most of all, I wish she would give me a sincere apology regarding what happened. Something that would show remorse for how she left me or display some form of respect or adoration for what we shared. She hasn’t reached out to me since June, and I have not reached out to her. I really fucking miss her and what we had. I really do want her to be happy and for everything to work out for her, but part of me wants it to blow up in her face. That she ends up with this relationship failing and her missing me and reaching out, at least to apologize. I feel like an awful person for hoping a partial unhappiness for her. Because she deserves joy and happiness. I’m not sure what will happen. Either way I think I still have hope and that’s what kills me. I still yearn for her to be my best friend and partner again. I know I need to stop checking her social media. I have to let her go.
A couple of questions and a general desire for advice: Do monkey branched relationships/relationships starting from cheating last?
Does she miss me?
I last told her she also had to let me go, she ignored my message, but does that and the guilt from how it ended and her cheating keep her from reaching out?
Most people say dumpers only reach out once their new relationship fails. In anyone’s experience, is this true?
If anyone has experienced something similar to this, what happened and can you give me advice/show solidarity with me?
Any advice/comments in general are welcome.
If you ever see this, B, listen to “Godspeed” by Frank Ocean. Nothing but love from me here.
If you somehow read all of this, reader, then I thank you for your management to listen to my pain and experience my experience. Life is so fucking hard, but it’s easier with people who care. I love you, and I hope we both find ways to love ourselves. My mantra through all of this is how I’ll end it. This mantra came from a book called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love”.
I am alive. I will survive.
submitted by GreatMajesty to BreakUp [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 18:47 GreatMajesty I am alive. I will survive.

I’ve been ruminating regarding my ex and the experiences we shared, including the difficult end. I decided I would just write hear because my friends and family have be exhausted by my lamentations (Okay, some of them would probably listen, but I still don’t want to burden anyone.)
I wasn’t good in the relationship. If I’m honest, I can admit that I could have been a better person with her. I’m nothing close to the mistakes and negative behaviors I committed during the relationship. I hid things from her, like how much weed I smoked, the amount of porn I watched and when I would see my friends (including when two people I thought were my friends gave me too much acid. It was fucking awful. Worthy of note, the only drugs I’ve done are acid about 4 times, Shrooms 4 times and smoked weed regularly and drank very seldom). I talked to other girls and flirted with them. I never physically cheated, but if we are all honest, emotionally cheating is still cheating. She knew I would hide things from her and I would become cold, distant and angry when she wanted to talk about it. Really I was often cold, distant and angry. I believe this lack of emotional expression was a result of using porn as my coping mechanism since I was 14. Whenever I was depressed or sad, I would masturbate. It’s really hard to be honest about this stuff to complete strangers, but there are some here who will recognize the love and desire to be accepted in my words.
During the relationship, I was depressed. This came from a lack of purpose and meaning. I didn’t get to see my friends as she did not want me around people who were not good or didn’t share my values. After I reconnected with people, I recognized she was right about it all, but still I needed to experience these faulty friendships firsthand. Her desire to isolate me made me want to maintain shit relationships and not recognize the shitty people I was around. They were my mistakes to make. I’m not blaming her because I allowed it to happen, but I internalized this and began to resent her as a result. But I still loved her, and we of course had more good than bad times. This thought leads me to what might have contributed to her negative behaviors in the relationship.
Early on in the relationship, we had an abortion. We are both pro-choice and felt we needed to “live the lives ahead of us” (Both 20 at the time). We are both still pro-choice, but this abortion hurt both of us deeply. I was going to support her decision with her body regardless of my own desires, and both of us were leaning to terminate the pregnancy. I truly do regret it happening, and it absolutely destroyed her. We both promised that we would have children together and have them live the most incredible, loving lives as a way of honoring our child that never came to be. We lived together after knowing each other for a year and a half and dating for 3 months (yes, young love and young mistakes).
She was also depressed during the relationship. After one of our first big fights, she locked herself in a room and cut herself. It was a deep cut, and she claimed it was a lapse in judgment. In the moment, she wanted to end her life, but one very deep cut made her want to live. I think it was this moment that I stopped communicating what I was feeling and started talking to other girls for emotional gratification. This was 5/6 months into the relationship. Another issue for her was the control her mother exerted over our relationship. Whenever there was a complication or my ex behaved in a way outside her mother’s expectations, her mother would threatened to repo the car and cut her off from financial support. My ex was very inconsistent with her jobs during our relationship, as a result I primarily supported us financially in a job that was the furthest occupation from fulfilling. She was in school, while I dropped out because of indecision. I think this also contributed to my distance, pot usage, and general discussions with other girls (these girls either were annoyed by me or they wanted to sleep with me). Either way, they meant nothing, but my ex stopped trusting me even less in the relationship when she found out I was in contact with other women. This mistake completely made her tighten her grip on my life, but I should have been transparent and open regarding it all. Instead I doubled down and just hid things from her and engaged in gaslighting. I was so fucking naive and petty. She really tried to love me, but she was also toxic in her resolve to keep me from others and would hack into my social media to keep tabs on me. This was even before I was talking to anyone else. Ultimately, I should have cut out all people who made her feel uncomfortable or made her doubt my sincerity in love for her.
These were all the bad things. But the good outweighed the bad. We pushed each other to pursue what we loved. We read and did yoga together. She stood by me through my depression and helped me reignite my desire to learn. I supported her when her grandfather passed and she felt she has no friends. For a while, I was her only friend, but I stood by her as she began to recognize her worth and made some friends. We spent hours laughing and smiling whether it was watching meme compilations, watching anime, going to Thursday dinners with her family, playing video games or just discussing books and movies. She was my best friend and I was hers. When I went back to school last fall, I was depressed and my coping mechanism was weed usage. The porn had stalled our sex life and she felt I was uninterested or found her unattractive. (I told her about my porn addiction early on in the relationship. I relapsed around 5 months into our relationship and struggled with it, even til this day. I was so ashamed I couldn’t even bring myself to tell her about my weakness/bullshit.)
And speed up to earlier this year. I was truly making the changes I needed to be better. Stopped smoking weed and stopped engaging in the addictive porn behaviors. I cut out all the women who takes to me and I stopped pursuing them. I wanted to do it on my own, so I was still not transparent with her, but I truly was getting on the right track. But it was too little, too late.
I felt her slipping and then one night in January 31st, she just never came home. Went out with people from her work (she graduated from school in Dec 2019, and got a steady job that January for the first time in a few years), and she never called me or anything. I started blowing up her phone and she consistently forwarded me and then blocked me. Completely ghosted me that night. She spoke to me again after I called her grandmother, with whom I had an excellent relationship. Her grandmother told me my ex didn’t feel she could communicate with me, and that I was more concerned with pot than growth. She told me my ex never had an opportunity to party or go out with friends. That this was just her embrace of a new life with a new job and friends. She had the job for less than a month, but she already traded me for them, or at least that’s what I thought.
A few days later, my ex was extremely apologetic, and she was undergoing mental breakdowns and panic. I told her everything, the porn, the weed, the other girls and how I was stopping all the bullshit for her. She said the apartment we had held a lot of trauma, so she wanted to have a break and some space. She lived with her grandma. After a couple of weeks of this, I asked if she was seeing anyone, as most breaks are because one person wants to see someone new. She said no, and that she would never do that to me. I just kept blaming myself, but I stayed on a path that was best for us and our future. No porn, no drugs or alcohol, just growth. I apologized to her for all the bad things I did, and so did she. I thought I was beginning to rectify my mistakes.
Just before the lockdown, I found out she was seeing someone else. She cheated on me. One night she stayed over and was sexting him as we cuddled in bed (me thinking we were making progress). She left her Facebook messenger open on the laptop, and when I opened it and logged in, the screen already displayed their conversation. I was blindsided and devastated. When I confronted her, she said it meant nothing and it was out of loneliness. I accepted this and still desired to make it work. We got locked down, and she refused to see me. She was playing animal crossing with this guy, and I was blowing up her phone. They were in a relationship on Facebook, but when I left her alone and began to accept the reality it was over, she messaged me stating that she can’t stop drinking and she misses me.
She didn’t know what was wrong with her and that she wanted to be with me. This was mid-March. Over the course of the next few weeks, we had to move out of our apartment. Since January, she left me there and refused to pay any bills or rent because she would only seldom spend time there. I accepted this as fair as I was guilty and regretful over all the bullshit in the past. She worked with this new guy and when she would become distant, I would blow up her phone, pleading and rebuke her for cheating and still engaging in conversation/interactions with him. She said my blowing up her phone was why she kept going back to him. The stress made her go back to him as it was like an “addiction”. She said they only were in a relationship on Facebook because he wanted to do so. That she will end it with him after quarantine because it would be easier as he will get a new job. I believed her. All the while, I kept telling her that I would leave her alone if she wanted me too and I would let her go. She said that was dumb and She wanted a life with me. Mid-April, she said it was over and I needed to leave her alone. It was Easter and she spent the whole day with him. They discussed it and decided she needed to cut things off with me. Sadly, I accepted this and was resolute in my desire to leave her be. The very next morning she called me crying and begging for me back. I was sad, but I did just that. But she still didn’t cut it off with him and told me to wait as she publicly was with him and privately with me. I listen to her. She would bounce from screaming at me to leave her alone to pleading with me to be with her for the rest of our lives. This happened for about a month. One weekend after she refused to come see me, we weren’t speaking with each other. I got really hammered and called her only to find out she blocked me everywhere. She had just ghosted me. This person I was with for four years, just ghosted me completely. After I kept reaching out to her through email and other methods, she demanded I let her go or else. So I accepted it and left her alone. She really ended it this time.
I went a few weeks without talking to her. I made up a pathetic reason to reach out, and she responded that she was pregnant with his baby. She was keeping it. She said she couldn’t go through “it” again. “It” being the pain and anguish from when we got an abortion. I was even more devastated. She blocked me everywhere again. She gave my a half-assed apology. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this, but it did.” This was late May. A few weeks after this, she added me back on Snapchat. By this point, I started therapy and on the advice of my therapist, I explain to my ex that I’m willing to work on things, but if she doesn’t want to be with me, then we need a clean cut. I explained that if the child was born early than anticipated, then I would pursue a pregnancy test. She responded and was livid. She stated I was just trying to make their life together harder and that she didn’t mean to add me, she thought I was someone else because my display name was her one of her friends (this was bullshit, I think her new guy saw my message and she lied to make up for it). I told her “I want you to be happy”. She responded, “We are very happy”. She was cold and explained she and he rarely fought, and if they did, it was civil and resolved. They were a much better match, she explained. As I responded about how I loved her, she blocked me again.
A week later, I sent her message on her Twitter as she unblocked me on a few forms of social media again. I stated that if she wanted to be with me, then I would work with her (I know all my desires and requests for working on the relationship are delusional, but that’s what I felt.) But if she didn’t, then she needed to let me go because I know she has a new life and family on the way. I want a family and life, but I can’t do that while I still think it’s possible with her. I wanted her to tell me one last time that there was no chance for us. If this was the case, she need to leave me alone and let me go. She ignored this message, and immediately tweeted than she and her bf were meeting with a realtor. I don’t know if she read my message, but I think she did. I didn’t mean any of it. I still wanted her in my life and wanted her to bother me. It was essentially self harm just talking to her. This was late June.
Fast forward to now, I’ll often go a week or few without checking her social media, but it is always self-destructive. They are engaged, they bought a house and she goes to the gym I used to go to. I think they might live in the town she and I lived in. She had previously said to me multiple times, that she wanted to leave that town and go somewhere new. Periodically she would shit on me on Twitter, but that has ceased. She would talk about how happy she was to be in a relationship based on growth and willing the other to be better. Her effort was finally matched, she said. It’s been awhile since she said stuff like that too.
It’s been 6 months since she officially ended it. I still have delusional thoughts of getting her back or wondering if she even misses me like I miss her. Most of all, I wish she would give me a sincere apology regarding what happened. Something that would show remorse for how she left me or display some form of respect or adoration for what we shared. She hasn’t reached out to me since June, and I have not reached out to her. I really fucking miss her and what we had. I really do want her to be happy and for everything to work out for her, but part of me wants it to blow up in her face. That she ends up with this relationship failing and her missing me and reaching out, at least to apologize. I feel like an awful person for hoping a partial unhappiness for her. Because she deserves joy and happiness. I’m not sure what will happen. Either way I think I still have hope and that’s what kills me. I still yearn for her to be my best friend and partner again. I know I need to stop checking her social media. I have to let her go.
A couple of questions and a general desire for advice: Do monkey branched relationships/relationships starting from cheating last?
Does she miss me?
I last told her she also had to let me go, she ignored my message, but does that and the guilt from how it ended and her cheating keep her from reaching out?
Most people say dumpers only reach out once their new relationship fails. In anyone’s experience, is this true?
If anyone has experienced something similar to this, what happened and can you give me advice/show solidarity with me?
Any advice/comments in general are welcome.
If you ever see this, B, listen to “Godspeed” by Frank Ocean. Nothing but love from me here.
If you somehow read all of this, reader, then I thank you for your management to listen to my pain and experience my experience. Life is so fucking hard, but it’s easier with people who care. I love you, and I hope we both find ways to love ourselves. My mantra through all of this is how I’ll end it. This mantra came from a book called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love”.
I am alive. I will survive.
submitted by GreatMajesty to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 06:09 thetorontobot Toronto Daily - Nov 22nd 2020

Welcome to the Toronto Daily Thread.

This thread serves two purposes:
1) To collect and make visible new posts in smaller Toronto based subreddits.
Feel free to visit, comment and be generally helpful in posts indexed below. Please also remember to stay on your best behaviour when travelling outside of /toronto.
2) To act as a general off-topic conversation hub for the day.
To that end, use this thread to talk about whatever is on your mind, regardless of whether or not it's related to Toronto.
No matter where you're posting, please remember to be excellent to each other.

/AskTO

Post Title Author Comments
Moving companies downtown Toronto? triplejayye 4
Would it not be that the Canadians who haven't earned $5000 need it the most? Luckeers 10
Is it considered socially unacceptable to walk down the street drinking a tall can? TorontoJD 6
Contractor during lockdown GrilledPinapples 0
Apartment Issue SightstoneOnly 5
Does anybody use the COVID-19 alert app? idma 83
Got a road test scheduled for early December. Will this still be going on during the lockdown? Odd-Kaleidoscope5279 4
Are outdoor shinny rinks opening this winter? zwigle14 5
seriously...how to date??????? designerkitty 27
Nerdy clothing store SabrinaT8861 10
Hey! I'm an International student trying to look for a two bedroom apartment near the St.George Campus(uoft)...How do i know how much should I pay in rent? tahamee5 5
Long Term Care Homes Canucklehead_Esq 10
Any dermatologists or cosmetic surgeons in the city familiar with using sodium thiosulfate to dissolve fillers like Radiesse? telos- 1
how do u plan on getting exercise during the new lockdown RagurubanYogarajah 13
Protest efforts or orgs that aren't "anti masker"? grohlog 21
Will restaurants be shut down on Monday? RedBeanMacaron 10
Small business owners of Toronto - what are your thoughts on the lockdown? CarQuestionTA9999 3
Where to buy Iphone 11 Pro Max? huynhn 5
Do you ever get discouraged knowing other peoples' salaries? not-my-account-lol 28
GTA teachers: how seriously is your school taking the COVID measures? xavier86 2
Is it my responsibility to track down how to pay Fido for my new internet? newaccountbcubanned 4
Uneven Apartment floor Happybutsadpenguin 7
Is the city accepting on street parking permit renewals? The renewal site isn’t recognizing my permit number. Thanks!! firefighter_82 0
Do you reckon we’ll see a spike from all the pre lockdown parties this weekend? palosantoxx 14
Shops for Area Rugs? CDNChaoZ 7

/TorontoEvents

Post Title Author Comments
Call for guests for a FREE Online Mixer for Singles 50-60, and 60+ Next Week!! TheMixerTO 0

/GTAMarketPlace

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Unique Fruit Handmade Coasters READY TO DELIVER ModernRicey 0
$500, Selling a PS4 500GB JetBlack, PS Vita 1000 Model, PS BackButton, and Games (all wires included) wais_45 5

/LostAndFoundTO

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Iphone left on sidewalk on runnymede north of Annette chalkandchoss 0
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submitted by thetorontobot to toronto [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 00:39 Forgetaboutthelonely How feminist shaming tactics needlessly cause lasting sexual repression or guilt in a subset of men most sympathetic to feminist concerns.

When I was a young man I saw myself as a proud feminist. I thought, "what kind of person wouldn't stand up for women's rights?" I had no problem with wearing pink t-shirts, having female friends, or stereotypically feminine interests like playing princess or having tea parties. Though, as I got older, borders seemed to vanish. I even remember playing barbies with my neighbors so much, one year I asked my parents for a barbie dream carriage for Christmas. And they got it for me. They were super progressive about this stuff. But I was also bullied heavily for a number of reasons. And come high school, there was an elective course on women's studies offered.
And the girls enrolled in it. And used what they learned as a bludgeon to bully the guys they didn't like. It wasn't just that they disliked the guy who asked them out awkwardly. Now, he was a creepy entitled misogynist objectifying them. Any guy they didn't like who talked about girls and his attraction to them (as hormone-filled teenage boys do) were labeled as sexual abusers and predators. The message we got was clear: "As a man, you do NOT show your interest unless she expresses hers first."
And remember. Men shoulder almost the entirety of social pressure to approach and initiate. We're not given a manual on how to do this. So it's going to be awkward sometimes. Please don't hate us or shame us for that.
as a guy we don't get the luxury to wait on the sidelines for someone to approach us. For the most part girls will not initiate dates or ask us out or approach first
So if we don't want to be alone. we have to approach and initiate. And we have to do so right off the bat. Lest we be seen "hiding our intentions"
That constant rejection shit grinds us down. And some guys don't react well after dealing with that. and lash out. And I'm sorry for that. But it's not like we want it to be this way.
In a more egalitarian society this imbalance wouldn't exist. Women wouldn't feel restrained for whatever reason to not openly express their interest and men wouldn't feel the constant need to always have this "i have to impress the girl" mode on.
I internalized this for years and it pushed me into a number of abusive and manipulative "friendships" with people who used me. Because all we're left with for ways to express interest is being nice or being deceptive.
(This probably wasn't the intended result, but I have never seen the people teaching these classes offer a disclaimer that men weren't the enemy or that male sexuality wasn't horrible, or that women weren't the victim.)
And I dealt with the results of internalizing that up until this right around this year. I watched everybody around me build families. Find love. Struggle through tough times with a partner to lean on. All the while I had nothing. Because nobody was expressing interest in me and I was terrified of doing so first. I struggled through poverty. Through mental health issues that nearly had me taking my own life.
I noticed something else. The friends I had, that were struggling like me, they had help. When one of my guy friends lost his job, his girlfriend and now wife took over while he was looking. When another friend was struggling to make ends meet while trying to go back to school to better themselves, her boyfriend worked so she could study. I had none of that because I was given the message that my desires and sexuality were disgusting and unwanted and I internalized it.
And who wouldn't internalize it in my shoes? These people were academic authorities, sounding so self-assured and believable, with scientific-sounding arguments and fire in their eyes.
Up until this year, I struggled with this issue until I finally snapped. I decided that I was going to stop caring about being a monster., I was going to find somebody online and just push my "toxic desires" onto them. I was going to pressure them with my predatory sexuality and stop giving a fuck about if they thought I was creepy. And so I did. And they reciprocated my interest. They WANTED my interest, they LIKED that I desired them sexually. We hooked up. And then we dated. It didn't last very long. But it still happened. And we're still friends.
And I'm not the only one who has noticed this.
These are great reads on their own if you want. But I'll single out the most important bits for what I'm saying here.
https://theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/106549627991/that-scott-aaronson-thing
I’m a woman. I’m gay. By the time I realized that second thing, I’d internalized that all attraction to women was objectifying and therefore evil. I spent years of my life convinced that it was coercive to make it clear to girls that I wanted to date them, lest they feel pressured. So I could only ask them out with a clear conscience if I was in fact totally indifferent to their answer. I still decide I’m abusive pretty frequently, on the basis of things like ‘i want to kiss her, which is what an abuser would want’ and 'i want to be special to her, which is what an abuser would want’.
I internalized these messages from exposure to feminist memes, norms, and communities. It was feminist messages, not homophobic ones, that made it hardest for me to come to terms with my sexuality. It wasn’t intentional. But it happened. And it has happened by now to enough people that 'well obviously you’re misinterpreting it’ is starting to wear thin as an excuse. Lots and lots of people are misinterpreting the way I did. By and large, we’re vulnerable people. Very often we’re mentally ill or disabled people.
https://www.scottaaronson.com/blog/?p=2091#comment-326664
Here’s the thing: I spent my formative years—basically, from the age of 12 until my mid-20s—feeling not “entitled,” not “privileged,” but terrified. I was terrified that one of my female classmates would somehow find out that I sexually desired her, and that the instant she did, I would be scorned, laughed at, called a creep and a weirdo, maybe even expelled from school or sent to prison. And furthermore, that the people who did these things to me would somehow be morally right to do them—even if I couldn’t understand how.
You can call that my personal psychological problem if you want, but it was strongly reinforced by everything I picked up from my environment: to take one example, the sexual-assault prevention workshops we had to attend regularly as undergrads, with their endless lists of all the forms of human interaction that “might be” sexual harassment or assault, and their refusal, ever, to specify anything that definitely wouldn’t be sexual harassment or assault. I left each of those workshops with enough fresh paranoia and self-hatred to last me through another year.
https://web.archive.org/web/20070917210115/http://www.feministcritics.org/blog/2007/06/19/when-you-have-feminist-guilt-you-dont-need-catholic-guilt/
Feminism can exacerbate a man’s shyness, anxiety, self-consciousness, and guilt exactly because he is working very hard not to be sexist, and because he is sympathetic to feminism. Just as some workers, even conscientious ones, have trouble getting work done out of a perfectionistic fear of making mistakes, some men, even pro-feminist men or proto-feminist men, have trouble interacting with women out of a fear of making what feminism defines as mistakes (it doesn’t help that feminism’s criteria for acceptable behavior and so ambiguous and vague, and fail to clearly distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, but that’s a whole different post).
And to sum them all up. A quote about all three. https://slatestarcodex.com/2015/01/01/untitled/
Scott Aaronson is a straight guy, and he’s saying feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. I’m an asexual heteroromantic guy, and I’m telling her feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. Unitofcaring is a lesbian woman, and she’s saying feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. HughRistik, who is some sort of weird metrosexual something (I mock him because I love him), is telling her feminist shaming tactics have made it worse. A giant cry has arisen from shy awkward men, lesbians, bisexuals, whatever of the world is saying “NO, SERIOUSLY, FEMINIST SHAMING TACTICS ARE MAKING THIS WORSE”
This post was made with help from mewacketergi2
submitted by Forgetaboutthelonely to LeftWingMaleAdvocates [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 17:18 Mantagena Just got fired. How can I find my passion?

Hey Guys. I'm in my mid to late twenties and just got fired from my internship in consulting. And it showed me I can't continue my life like this. This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons, and I hope you understand why.
I’m sorry if my thoughts tend to jump a bit from time.
For this internship, I moved to a different country three months ago. At first, getting fired was a shock. But I wasn't super passionate about that job anyway and that that reflected in the quality of my work. I got fired because I had too many mistakes in my hand-ins (such as spelling or formatting errors) I was not bad but not as perfect as they expected. The Big Problem here is that it reveals something I have been ignoring for the past 10-15 years. I’m absolutely shit at things I’m not passionate about and have been living a lie.
To give some context. I’m in my third try for my last exam in my bachelor’s in business psychology. If I'll fail this exam, I'm going to fail my entire degree. I’m not super passionate about my degree either. I just liked psychology a bit and though it was somewhat interesting with a chance of a good pay. Before that, I studied something else for two years because I was out of school and thought I had to study something, so I just started something out didn’t hate too much but I quit that because it couldn’t think of a job I wanted to afterwards and it interested me less and less each year. Back to topic. The reason for me failing the other two times is that I put in the hours but just to be busy not to actually learn something. I sadly learned that in school just had to appear busy and writing things down while thinking of something else and not focusing on the task. Since in my school it just mattered to appear busy and write down what the teacher said. So, I just passed school barely because there were subjects, I was good in, and they carried me through school.
Now for the devastating part. My father is autistic and has depression and only got diagnosed recently. My mother was constantly overwhelmed with raising me and caring for a husband that was more of a child than a father. Basically, I grew up with a father physically present but no father figure at all. So, I didn't have any social skills growing up because my parents didn’t have the capabilities or the time to teach me. My mother was raised extremely strict, so she did the opposite with me because she wanted me to develop myself on my own to do the opposite of what her mother did to her. All this led to me having no real friends and in hindsight being very weird and selfish. When I was 9, I realized that I don't want to be that person anymore and began to change myself drastically by observing others and how they behaved and copying them. This led to me becoming less of an outcast. This continues to this date. The thing here brings me back to something my manager said when firing me. I’m a nice person but I seem distant and lacking edges. I just try to hold back my negative opinions (because I showed them a way to strong as a kid) and don't argue with people I don't know well since I probably won't change their mind and it will only lead to them thinking bad of me if I oppose them. So, in Consequence, I seem friendly and confident, but I heard this many times over the past years. I seem distant and not authentic. I know mostly what to do but not how to do it authentic/correct. Or it shows that I’m not completely feeling what I do but rather that I do it because that’s what my logic tells me to do. That's why I was in friend groups but never truly a part of them. I was just with the people but very rarely actually a part because I was always a bit different. It is hard to describe. I was there and accepted that I was there but not the one people would say hey let’s invite him or an integral part of the group.
Now to the path I’m looking for. I was “diagnosed” with a high IQ when I was around 12 and realized I could memorize stuff I care about way quicker and better than other people. But at things I have no passion or interest in I'm actually worse than most people and even if I force myself to learn a thing my progress is still slower than the average person. This capability and being bullied all my school life lead to me wanting to be someone special and doing things out of the average. I don’t know if this just amplified it or if this is the reason, I don’t want to live an average life. As a kid, I just did unique stuff for fun. But over time my parents taught me that I should play safer and shouldn't take many risks. In Elementary school, I founded a club among my peers to guard other kids on the schoolyard that were bullied, and we patrolled the schoolyard for a couple of months. Another thing was that one of my friends got Pokémon cards for really cheap, and I had the idea that he and I opened up a shop and sold the cards with flyers and all that (I didn't see a cent. I just had a lot of fun doing it). I worked in a small startup and got to be head of HR of 30 people. All on workers were voluntary basis since we were the biggest websites in the video games niche and people just did the work for free. I started two own businesses. One was canceled after a year because my programmer and I had different opinions on where to go with the project and the other small businesses was one of those drop-shipping e-commerce shops. It was okay but nothing crazy. I managed to do some other stuff like traveling to a country I always wanted to visit like Japan and the US, I managed to get many women and some things I wanted to achieve. But in the grand scheme of things I mostly managed to achieve my things not on the traditional way but always had to find a loophole to get my achievements.
But with time and time, I lost passion for all things and just did things because other people thought they were cool and I had the mentally „ if they think it’s good I should try it maybe I’m interested in it or brings me happiness“. I have no passion for any job whatsoever. In my free time, I can find interest in learning a new thing like handstand or juggling or just acquiring new knowledge. But I mostly quit that after a month or so only the acquiring knowledge thing stays and shifts to another knowledge. Now I had to choose a job. I was looking for a job I don't hate too much and get good money from while having the chance of a good career. Yeah… I sadly had to realize that I suck at every job that I’m not passionate about. And all that's left of my interest is that I get interested in some things as I mentioned before but this is just stuff, I can't make an interesting job of it. I like to be up to date with the news and current events, and I am very well-informed if it comes to video games and stocks. (I don't game much anymore I just like being up to date. I hold a bunch of stocks and make decent money out of it). I’m a bit into nutrition and Things in general that help you to have a decent life when you’re old. But I’m not into becoming a journalist or working as a developer.
When I thought about what I wanted to do the first thing that came into my mind was to fund a startup and being my own boss. I like being in charge and being responsible and creative. The creative part is what most people told me to (my consulting Manager said that the creative jobs were the tings I was best at. For example, setting up a room with green screen for our new digital video selling concept or developing PowerPoint slides. Everything that was not just working of some checklists.). This kind of creativity not the artist kind of creativity, I think. But the Startup thing is something very risky and you can't start a start-up without an Idea. So, I keep this as a backup until I find a person with a good idea or get a good one myself. But until then, I need to find something else.
Now to the core of all of this: Therefore, I realized I have to find out who I really am and what I really like to do. the problem is that I don't know anymore who I am and how to find out what I like. Because I somewhat became the person that I learned to be over the last 10-15 years. And this was the devastating part. In my past 10-15 Years, I found out I was living a lie. I thought I conquered my social and passion problems and became a normal person that can do stuff to an adequate level even if I don't care about a job as much like most people can. The problem is I don't want to go for a dead-end job because I feel like I would waste my potential and my lifetime. I’m thankful that I live in a good country and know it’s a luxury to have this problem, but the concept of the anchoring effect hits hard. I orient myself at the top 10% because I know/think I can achieve similar results or at least follow a similar path on a smaller scale.
But I realized I have to find who I am and what is me and what is not. So, to speak in metaphors My House has a shiny façade that looks good but the groundwork for the house is built on stilts. I always just worked on the facade and hid the foundation. And now I need to work on my foundation and find out who I am and what I am passionate about. But I have the feeling that I’m too afraid to have passion because if I find what I like and suck at it or am not as good as I think I should be at it, I have no perspective at all (strong imposter syndrome here). Or I just buried it too deep. I really don't know why I can't find a single thing that would interest me.
And now I’m coming to you guys. And maybe you have some ideas. Any Idea is welcome. So what questions should I ask myself to find out what I like or how can I start to reverse or correct those unnatural changes I applied to me the past 10-15 years and become more of the natural me without being this weird kid again? Because I made the experience that if I try to change and become something new, I tend to start out with an extreme and then slowly have to level it off.
Sorry for the long and not so coherent text. If you need any more information, feel free to ask, and thank you so much for taking your time. Every piece of advice is appreciated even if is to make a pro and contra list or go see a counselor or a therapist (I tried all that already). But still thank you for taking the time to help a person you don't even know.
submitted by Mantagena to careerguidance [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 10:29 Mantagena Just got fired for the same reasons that have haunted me for the past 10-15 years. Who am I?

Hey Guys. I'm in my mid to late twenties and just got fired from my internship in consulting. And it showed me I can't continue my life like this. This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons, and I hope you understand why.
I’m sorry if my thoughts tend to jump a bit from time.
For this internship, I moved to a different country three months ago. At first, getting fired was a shock. But I wasn't super passionate about that job anyway and that that reflected in the quality of my work. I got fired because I had too many mistakes in my hand-ins (such as spelling or formatting errors) I was not bad but not as perfect as they expected. The Big Problem here is that it reveals something I have been ignoring for the past 10-15 years. I’m absolutely shit at things I’m not passionate about and have been living a lie.
To give some context. I’m in my third try for my last exam in my bachelor’s in business psychology. If I'll fail this exam, I'm going to fail my entire degree. I’m not super passionate about my degree either. I just liked psychology a bit and though it was somewhat interesting with a chance of a good pay. Before that, I studied something else for two years because I was out of school and thought I had to study something, so I just started something out didn’t hate too much but I quit that because it couldn’t think of a job I wanted to afterwards and it interested me less and less each year. Back to topic. The reason for me failing the other two times is that I put in the hours but just to be busy not to actually learn something. I sadly learned that in school just had to appear busy and writing things down while thinking of something else and not focusing on the task. Since in my school it just mattered to appear busy and write down what the teacher said. So, I just passed school barely because there were subjects, I was good in, and they carried me through school.
Now for the devastating part. My father is autistic and has depression and only got diagnosed recently. My mother was constantly overwhelmed with raising me and caring for a husband that was more of a child than a father. Basically, I grew up with a father physically present but no father figure at all. So, I didn't have any social skills growing up because my parents didn’t have the capabilities or the time to teach me. My mother was raised extremely strict, so she did the opposite with me because she wanted me to develop myself on my own to do the opposite of what her mother did to her. All this led to me having no real friends and in hindsight being very weird and selfish. When I was 9, I realized that I don't want to be that person anymore and began to change myself drastically by observing others and how they behaved and copying them. This led to me becoming less of an outcast. This continues to this date. The thing here brings me back to something my manager said when firing me. I’m a nice person but I seem distant and lacking edges. I just try to hold back my negative opinions (because I showed them a way to strong as a kid) and don't argue with people I don't know well since I probably won't change their mind and it will only lead to them thinking bad of me if I oppose them. So, in Consequence, I seem friendly and confident, but I heard this many times over the past years. I seem distant and not authentic. I know mostly what to do but not how to do it authentic/correct. Or it shows that I’m not completely feeling what I do but rather that I do it because that’s what my logic tells me to do. That's why I was in friend groups but never truly a part of them. I was just with the people but very rarely actually a part because I was always a bit different. It is hard to describe. I was there and accepted that I was there but not the one people would say hey let’s invite him or an integral part of the group.
Now to the path I’m looking for. I was “diagnosed” with a high IQ when I was around 12 and realized I could memorize stuff I care about way quicker and better than other people. But at things I have no passion or interest in I'm actually worse than most people and even if I force myself to learn a thing my progress is still slower than the average person. This capability and being bullied all my school life lead to me wanting to be someone special and doing things out of the average. I don’t know if this just amplified it or if this is the reason, I don’t want to live an average life. As a kid, I just did unique stuff for fun. But over time my parents taught me that I should play safer and shouldn't take many risks. In Elementary school, I founded a club among my peers to guard other kids on the schoolyard that were bullied, and we patrolled the schoolyard for a couple of months. Another thing was that one of my friends got Pokémon cards for really cheap, and I had the idea that he and I opened up a shop and sold the cards with flyers and all that (I didn't see a cent. I just had a lot of fun doing it). I worked in a small startup and got to be head of HR of 30 people. All on workers were voluntary basis since we were the biggest websites in the video games niche and people just did the work for free. I started two own businesses. One was canceled after a year because my programmer and I had different opinions on where to go with the project and the other small businesses was one of those drop-shipping e-commerce shops. It was okay but nothing crazy. I managed to do some other stuff like traveling to a country I always wanted to visit like Japan and the US, I managed to get many women and some things I wanted to achieve. But in the grand scheme of things I mostly managed to achieve my things not on the traditional way but always had to find a loophole to get my achievements.
But with time and time, I lost passion for all things and just did things because other people thought they were cool and I had the mentally „ if they think it’s good I should try it maybe I’m interested in it or brings me happiness“. I have no passion for any job whatsoever. In my free time, I can find interest in learning a new thing like handstand or juggling or just acquiring new knowledge. But I mostly quit that after a month or so only the acquiring knowledge thing stays and shifts to another knowledge. Now I had to choose a job. I was looking for a job I don't hate too much and get good money from while having the chance of a good career. Yeah… I sadly had to realize that I suck at every job that I’m not passionate about. And all that's left of my interest is that I get interested in some things as I mentioned before but this is just stuff, I can't make an interesting job of it. I like to be up to date with the news and current events, and I am very well-informed if it comes to video games and stocks. (I don't game much anymore I just like being up to date. I hold a bunch of stocks and make decent money out of it). I’m a bit into nutrition and Things in general that help you to have a decent life when you’re old. But I’m not into becoming a journalist or working as a developer.
When I thought about what I wanted to do the first thing that came into my mind was to fund a startup and being my own boss. I like being in charge and being responsible and creative. The creative part is what most people told me to (my consulting Manager said that the creative jobs were the tings I was best at. For example, setting up a room with green screen for our new digital video selling concept or developing PowerPoint slides. Everything that was not just working of some checklists.). This kind of creativity not the artist kind of creativity, I think. But the Startup thing is something very risky and you can't start a start-up without an Idea. So, I keep this as a backup until I find a person with a good idea or get a good one myself. But until then, I need to find something else.
Now to the core of all of this: Therefore, I realized I have to find out who I really am and what I really like to do. the problem is that I don't know anymore who I am and how to find out what I like. Because I somewhat became the person that I learned to be over the last 10-15 years. And this was the devastating part. In my past 10-15 Years, I found out I was living a lie. I thought I conquered my social and passion problems and became a normal person that can do stuff to an adequate level even if I don't care about a job as much like most people can. The problem is I don't want to go for a dead-end job because I feel like I would waste my potential and my lifetime. I’m thankful that I live in a good country and know it’s a luxury to have this problem, but the concept of the anchoring effect hits hard. I orient myself at the top 10% because I know/think I can achieve similar results or at least follow a similar path on a smaller scale.
But I realized I have to find who I am and what is me and what is not. So, to speak in metaphors My House has a shiny façade that looks good but the groundwork for the house is built on stilts. I always just worked on the facade and hid the foundation. And now I need to work on my foundation and find out who I am and what I am passionate about. But I have the feeling that I’m too afraid to have passion because if I find what I like and suck at it or am not as good as I think I should be at it, I have no perspective at all (strong imposter syndrome here). Or I just buried it too deep. I really don't know why I can't find a single thing that would interest me.
And now I’m coming to you guys. And maybe you have some ideas. Any Idea is welcome. So what questions should I ask myself to find out what I like or how can I start to reverse or correct those unnatural changes I applied to me the past 10-15 years and become more of the natural me without being this weird kid again? Because I made the experience that if I try to change and become something new, I tend to start out with an extreme and then slowly have to level it off.
Sorry for the long and not so coherent text. If you need any more information, feel free to ask, and thank you so much for taking your time. Every piece of advice is appreciated even if is to make a pro and contra list or go see a counselor or a therapist (I tried all that already). But still thank you for taking the time to help a person you don't even know.
submitted by Mantagena to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 10:26 Mantagena Just got fired for the same reasons that have haunted me for the past 10-15 years

Hey Guys. I'm in my mid to late twenties and just got fired from my internship in consulting. And it showed me I can't continue my life like this. This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons, and I hope you understand why.
I’m sorry if my thoughts tend to jump a bit from time.
For this internship, I moved to a different country three months ago. At first, getting fired was a shock. But I wasn't super passionate about that job anyway and that that reflected in the quality of my work. I got fired because I had too many mistakes in my hand-ins (such as spelling or formatting errors) I was not bad but not as perfect as they expected. The Big Problem here is that it reveals something I have been ignoring for the past 10-15 years. I’m absolutely shit at things I’m not passionate about and have been living a lie.
To give some context. I’m in my third try for my last exam in my bachelor’s in business psychology. If I'll fail this exam, I'm going to fail my entire degree. I’m not super passionate about my degree either. I just liked psychology a bit and though it was somewhat interesting with a chance of a good pay. Before that, I studied something else for two years because I was out of school and thought I had to study something, so I just started something out didn’t hate too much but I quit that because it couldn’t think of a job I wanted to afterwards and it interested me less and less each year. Back to topic. The reason for me failing the other two times is that I put in the hours but just to be busy not to actually learn something. I sadly learned that in school just had to appear busy and writing things down while thinking of something else and not focusing on the task. Since in my school it just mattered to appear busy and write down what the teacher said. So, I just passed school barely because there were subjects, I was good in, and they carried me through school.
Now for the devastating part. My father is autistic and has depression and only got diagnosed recently. My mother was constantly overwhelmed with raising me and caring for a husband that was more of a child than a father. Basically, I grew up with a father physically present but no father figure at all. So, I didn't have any social skills growing up because my parents didn’t have the capabilities or the time to teach me. My mother was raised extremely strict, so she did the opposite with me because she wanted me to develop myself on my own to do the opposite of what her mother did to her. All this led to me having no real friends and in hindsight being very weird and selfish. When I was 9, I realized that I don't want to be that person anymore and began to change myself drastically by observing others and how they behaved and copying them. This led to me becoming less of an outcast. This continues to this date. The thing here brings me back to something my manager said when firing me. I’m a nice person but I seem distant and lacking edges. I just try to hold back my negative opinions (because I showed them a way to strong as a kid) and don't argue with people I don't know well since I probably won't change their mind and it will only lead to them thinking bad of me if I oppose them. So, in Consequence, I seem friendly and confident, but I heard this many times over the past years. I seem distant and not authentic. I know mostly what to do but not how to do it authentic/correct. Or it shows that I’m not completely feeling what I do but rather that I do it because that’s what my logic tells me to do. That's why I was in friend groups but never truly a part of them. I was just with the people but very rarely actually a part because I was always a bit different. It is hard to describe. I was there and accepted that I was there but not the one people would say hey let’s invite him or an integral part of the group.
Now to the path I’m looking for. I was “diagnosed” with a high IQ when I was around 12 and realized I could memorize stuff I care about way quicker and better than other people. But at things I have no passion or interest in I'm actually worse than most people and even if I force myself to learn a thing my progress is still slower than the average person. This capability and being bullied all my school life lead to me wanting to be someone special and doing things out of the average. I don’t know if this just amplified it or if this is the reason, I don’t want to live an average life. As a kid, I just did unique stuff for fun. But over time my parents taught me that I should play safer and shouldn't take many risks. In Elementary school, I founded a club among my peers to guard other kids on the schoolyard that were bullied, and we patrolled the schoolyard for a couple of months. Another thing was that one of my friends got Pokémon cards for really cheap, and I had the idea that he and I opened up a shop and sold the cards with flyers and all that (I didn't see a cent. I just had a lot of fun doing it). I worked in a small startup and got to be head of HR of 30 people. All on workers were voluntary basis since we were the biggest websites in the video games niche and people just did the work for free. I started two own businesses. One was canceled after a year because my programmer and I had different opinions on where to go with the project and the other small businesses was one of those drop-shipping e-commerce shops. It was okay but nothing crazy. I managed to do some other stuff like traveling to a country I always wanted to visit like Japan and the US, I managed to get many women and some things I wanted to achieve. But in the grand scheme of things I mostly managed to achieve my things not on the traditional way but always had to find a loophole to get my achievements.
But with time and time, I lost passion for all things and just did things because other people thought they were cool and I had the mentally „ if they think it’s good I should try it maybe I’m interested in it or brings me happiness“. I have no passion for any job whatsoever. In my free time, I can find interest in learning a new thing like handstand or juggling or just acquiring new knowledge. But I mostly quit that after a month or so only the acquiring knowledge thing stays and shifts to another knowledge. Now I had to choose a job. I was looking for a job I don't hate too much and get good money from while having the chance of a good career. Yeah… I sadly had to realize that I suck at every job that I’m not passionate about. And all that's left of my interest is that I get interested in some things as I mentioned before but this is just stuff, I can't make an interesting job of it. I like to be up to date with the news and current events, and I am very well-informed if it comes to video games and stocks. (I don't game much anymore I just like being up to date. I hold a bunch of stocks and make decent money out of it). I’m a bit into nutrition and Things in general that help you to have a decent life when you’re old. But I’m not into becoming a journalist or working as a developer.
When I thought about what I wanted to do the first thing that came into my mind was to fund a startup and being my own boss. I like being in charge and being responsible and creative. The creative part is what most people told me to (my consulting Manager said that the creative jobs were the tings I was best at. For example, setting up a room with green screen for our new digital video selling concept or developing PowerPoint slides. Everything that was not just working of some checklists.). This kind of creativity not the artist kind of creativity, I think. But the Startup thing is something very risky and you can't start a start-up without an Idea. So, I keep this as a backup until I find a person with a good idea or get a good one myself. But until then, I need to find something else.
Now to the core of all of this: Therefore, I realized I have to find out who I really am and what I really like to do. the problem is that I don't know anymore who I am and how to find out what I like. Because I somewhat became the person that I learned to be over the last 10-15 years. And this was the devastating part. In my past 10-15 Years, I found out I was living a lie. I thought I conquered my social and passion problems and became a normal person that can do stuff to an adequate level even if I don't care about a job as much like most people can. The problem is I don't want to go for a dead-end job because I feel like I would waste my potential and my lifetime. I’m thankful that I live in a good country and know it’s a luxury to have this problem, but the concept of the anchoring effect hits hard. I orient myself at the top 10% because I know/think I can achieve similar results or at least follow a similar path on a smaller scale.
But I realized I have to find who I am and what is me and what is not. So, to speak in metaphors My House has a shiny façade that looks good but the groundwork for the house is built on stilts. I always just worked on the facade and hid the foundation. And now I need to work on my foundation and find out who I am and what I am passionate about. But I have the feeling that I’m too afraid to have passion because if I find what I like and suck at it or am not as good as I think I should be at it, I have no perspective at all (strong imposter syndrome here). Or I just buried it too deep. I really don't know why I can't find a single thing that would interest me.
And now I’m coming to you guys. And maybe you have some ideas. Any Idea is welcome. So what questions should I ask myself to find out what I like or how can I start to reverse or correct those unnatural changes I applied to me the past 10-15 years and become more of the natural me without being this weird kid again? Because I made the experience that if I try to change and become something new, I tend to start out with an extreme and then slowly have to level it off.
Sorry for the long and not so coherent text. If you need any more information, feel free to ask, and thank you so much for taking your time. Every piece of advice is appreciated even if is to make a pro and contra list or go see a counselor or a therapist (I tried all that already). But still thank you for taking the time to help a person you don't even know.
submitted by Mantagena to findapath [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 06:58 Perzues1 Gaming/Streaming PC build - Updated budget - USD 2000

Note : This is a second post since the last one didn't give me the build I was looking for. This one however has an increased budget from USD 1300 to USD 2000. Also I have a build in mind at the bottom kindly review and give suggestions on improving it and ideas as to where I can make it cheaper as it is currently slightly above budget. (I am purchasing from Dubai and having it couriered to India so the pricing in budget after AED conversion and local purchases.)
What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
My current build idea: CPU : AMD Ryzen 7 5800X 3.8 GHz 8-Core Processor CPU Cooler : Cooler Master Hyper 212 Black Edition 42 CFM CPU Cooler Motherboard : MSI MPG X570 GAMING PLUS ATX AM4 Motherboard Memory : G.Skill Trident Z Neo 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR4-3600 CL18 Memory Storage : Samsung 970 Evo 500 GB M.2-2280 NVME Solid State Drive Storage : Seagate Barracuda Compute 2 TB 3.5" 7200RPM Internal Hard Drive Video Card : Gigabyte Radeon RX 6800 XT 16 GB Video Card Case : Corsair SPEC-OMEGA RGB ATX Mid Tower Case Power Supply : Corsair HXi 850 W 80+ Platinum Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply Operating System : Windows 10 Monitor : Gigabyte G27Q 27.0" 2560x1440 144 Hz Monitor Monitor : Philips 273V7QJAB 27.0" 1920x1080 60 Hz Monitor
submitted by Perzues1 to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.11.20 22:11 roepes The Legends of Wolf and Roger

(names have been changed to protect the real people)
Back about 11 1/2 years ago, I was made a department manager at Store 548 in Conway, AR. I worked there overall about four years: I started in CPC and front end and moved around until I was made manager of copy and print in March 2009. I liked it well enough, but the real interesting thing came when the store manager hired a guy named Steve for an open tech spot. Apparently, Steve was proficient with computers and data recovery, so he was hired to work nights and weekends and catch days when someone called in.
Well, Steve came off as weird from the start. When he was hired, he was kind of unkempt and shaggy and gave off an odor like he hadn't showered in a little while, but he smiled and talked technology so no one really gave a shit. It's Office Depot. However, we already had two well-liked Steves at the store. We called each by their name and last name initial so, "Steve X and Steve O". New Steve had a nickname he said he preferred to go by anyway so he gave it to us and put it on his nametag - Wolf.
Wolf had a way with sales. He pushed the three year plans on everything and even sold stuff to his girlfriend he introduced us all to. She was also a skeevy sort of character. I mean, she's dating a guy that prefers to go by Wolf. Anyway, Wolf told us about his days in Desert Storm and he walked around marching sometimes, although we deduced that by his given age and the dates he told us he was in the Army that he probably wasn't in Desert Storm. He would also come in the store frequently when he wasn't on the clock and buy tech shit and put his number in on the warranty. He would wear his flash drives on his belt in those little clip-on Foray holders. Yeah.
Around this time, another tech guy started there named Drew. He was also a character. He wore large framed glasses, and had a shaved head and an awkward slithery stroll. He acted a little...well...I don't want to sound homophobic but he came off a little feminine but he was straight. He made sure everyone knew that, too. He talked about his favorite porn stars and their videos openly. He also visited a website that no one else would've probably thought to visit while on the clock. While some of us figured out how to connect to neighboring stores' wifi and download music and movies to desktop PC displays and share with everyone else, Drew stayed to himself and went to Stormfront. A few of us saw him on the site on a display computer no less!
One day I was closing manager, and Drew asked me if he could shove off a little early. I said sure but I asked why. He said he had a party to get to. Out of morbid curiosity, knowing who I was talking to, I asked what kind of party. However, I wasn't expecting what he said next. He, this Stormfront visiting tech guy with the creepy aura, was also a furry. He told me to keep it close to my vest as if his white power friends found out he wouldn't be part of them anymore. I told a few coworkers because it had to be known just how strange the guy was.
One of the other managers figured out that Drew resembled a certain alien on a certain show created by Seth McFarlane. So, we started calling him Roger over the headset. We would try to say "Roger that" or something to cover it up but he eventually caught on. He didn't know why we called him that but we kept calling him Roger as it was his nickname around the store.
Back to Wolf. One day, the daytime tech guy, Travis, and I didn't have much to do at all. He was hilarious and we would get on open lines of the store's phone system and prank call the cashiers that were less than nice. As this was 2009, googling names of the people you knew was just becoming a really popular thing to find social media profiles and pictures. Travis had a habit of googling coworkers to check out if they'd made police websites or had any exotic pictures out there. That day Travis googled Wolf's real name. One of the first results was a local paper's police docket of Wolf's attempted shoplifting of an entire shopping cart of makeup from the local Walmart. He was caught just as he tried to get it out the door. It was apparently $1,200 worth of mascara, lipstick, foundation, etc., he was trying to get for his girlfriend that sold Avon. We informed the store manager because this incident happened just around the time Wolf was hired so it hadn't hit loss prevention's system yet. He talked to Wolf about it and gave him a slap on the wrist.
Around this time, a lot of expensive tech stuff really started going missing. Expensive flash drives were a thing back then, like 80gb for $100 or something. Digital cameras were still big because iPhones hadn't crowded them out yet. People were still buying Tom Toms and other GPSs, and some folks were still wearing Bluetooth headsets. Several of those things ended up written off. The biggest thing that vanished around then was a Quickbooks Pro Manufacturing or Point of Sale or whatever that was on sale at the time but was regularly like $700. We thought it had to be Wolf, but part of me thought it could've been anybody that knew about Wolf and were using him as a patsy. If so, that would've been brilliant.
Eventually, the manager showed Wolf the door - not for theft, but because he really didn't bathe. He also started coming in without his dentures - a "war" injury but we figured it was just standard meth mouth. I also think he was living in his minivan. He came in the day after he was let go and swiped all the ads out of the holder at the front of the store like he was using them to cover windows or something. Aside from a couple rogue cashiers, the thefts pretty much stopped when he left. A few years later I worked for the state and was able to check business employment records. I learned that after Wolf left OD 548, he hadn't worked in Arkansas for the next four years. No telling where he went.
Anyway, that's the legend of Wolf and Roger.
submitted by roepes to OfficeDepot [link] [comments]


2020.11.20 21:04 Rsubs33 [Game Preview] Week 11 - Philadelphia Eagles(3-5-1) @ Cleveland Browns (6-3)

Philadelphia Eagles (3-5-1) at Cleveland Browns (6-3)
This is a matchup between two teams headed in completely opposite directions. The Browns are a team on the rise looking to have their first winning record since 2007. Meanwhile the Eagles look like they are headed to their first losing record since Doug Pederson’s first season in 2016. Pederson’s offense which was once thought to be creative has become stale. The screen game which was once a staple of the offense has become nonexistent and Pederson frequently abandons the run early despite having one of the top running backs in the league which kills the play-action game. The coach’s arrogance has prevented him from hiring a true OC and handing over play-calling duties and that arrogance has seen his team make first round exits in the playoffs the last two years. I don’t have an answer for what this team needs to do for a win because with Doug calling the plays I think we can expect the same stale offense we have seen throughout this season. The same can be said with the Eagles defense where Jim Schwartz believes in his scheme over his players and rarely puts his guys in the best position and relies on them winning one on ones to bail him out. Hopefully this season will be a wakeup call to ownership and the coaching staff that the Super Bowl season was 3 years ago and they have been mediocre since that game. As always go Birds.
General Information
Posting Rules and Guidelines
Remember to join us on Discord during the game!
New to the Eagles? Take a look at our New Fan Page!
Score Prediction Contest
Date
Sunday, November 22nd, 2020
Game Time Game Location
1:00 PM - Eastern FirstEnergy Stadium
12:00 PM - Central 100 Alfred Lerner Way
11:00 AM - Mountain Cleveland, OH 44114
10:00 AM - Pacific Wikipedia - Map
Weather Forecast
Stadium Type: Open Air
Surface: Kentucky Bluegrass
Temperature: 40°F
Feels Like: 34°F
Forecast: Rain. Rain throughout the day.
Chance of Precipitation: 69%
Cloud Coverage: 100%
Wind: East Northeast 9 MPH
Betting Odds
Oddsshark Information
Favorite/Opening Line: Browns -3
OveUnder: 47.5
Record VS. Spread: Philadelphia 3-6, New York 3-6
Where to Watch on TV
FOX will broadcast Sunday’s game to a regional audience. Adam Amin will handle the play-by-play duties and Mark Schlereth will provide analysis. Lindsay Czarniak will report from the sidelines.
TV Map - Week 11 TV Coverage Map
Radio Streams
List of Eagles Radio network member stations with internet broadcast availability
Radio.com 94.1 Desktop Streaming
Listen to Merrill Reese and Mike Quick
Calling the game on 94WIP and the Eagles Radio Network will be Merrill Reese, the NFL’s longest-tenured play-by-play announcer (44th season). Joining Reese in the radio booth will be former Eagles All-Pro wide receiver Mike Quick, while Howard Eskin will report from the sidelines.
Location Station Frequency
Philadelphia, PA WIP-FM 94.1 FM and 610 AM
Allentown, PA WCTO-FM 96.1 FM
Atlantic City/South Jersey WENJ-FM 97.3 FM
Levittown, PA WBCB-AM 1490 AM
Northumberland, PA WEGH-FM 107.3 FM
Pottsville, PA WPPA-AM 1360 AM
Reading, PA WEEU-AM 830 AM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WAFL-FM 97.7 FM
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, PA WEJL-FM 96.1 FM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WAFL-FM 97.7 FM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WEJL-AM 630 AM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WBAX-AM 1240 AM
Williamsport, PA WBZD-FM 93.3 FM
Wilmington, DE WDEL-FM/AM 101.7 FM
York/LancasteHarrisburg, PA WSOX-FM 96.1 FM
Philadelphia Spanish Radio
Rickie Ricardo and Bill Kulik will handle the broadcast in Spanish on Mega 105.7 FM in Philadelphia and the Eagles Spanish Radio Network.
Location Station Frequency
Philadelphia, PA LA MEGA 105.7 FM
Allentown, PA WSAN 1470 AM
Atlantic City, NJ WIBG 1020 AM; 101.3 FM
Browns Radio
Browns Radio Jim Donovan season to handle play-by-play duties for the broadcast. Former Brown Doug Dieken will provide color and analysis during the game.
National Radio
ESPN Radio will broadcast the game nationally with Roxy Bernstein handling the play by play and Ben Hartsock will provide analysis.
Satellite Radio
Station Eagles Channel Browns Channel
Sirius Radio SIRI 108 (Streaming 825) SIRI 135 (Streaming 807)
XM Radio XM 383 (Streaming 825) XM 229 (Streaming 823)
Sirius XM Radio SXM 383 (Streaming 825) SXM 229 (Streaming 823)
Eagles Social Media Browns Social Media
Website Website
Facebook Facebook
Twitter Twitter
Instagram Instagram
Snapchat: Eagles Snapchat: officalbrowns
NFC East Standings
NFC EAST Record PCT Home Road Div Conf PF PA Net Pts Streak
Eagles 3-5-1 .438 2-2-1 1-3 2-3 3-3 203 232 -29 1L
Giants 3-7 .300 2-3 1-4 3-2 3-6 195 236 -41 1W
Football Team 2-7 .222 2-3 0-4 2-2 2-5 180 218 -38 2L
Cowboys 2-7 .222 2-3 0-4 1-2 2-5 204 290 -86 4L
Series Information
Cleveland Browns lead Philadelphia Eagles series (31-17-1)
Series History
Head to Head Box Scores
First Game Played
September 16th, 1950 at the Philadelphia Municipal Stadium, Philadelphia, PA. Cleveland Browns 35 - Philadelphia Eagles 10
Points Leader
Cleveland Browns lead the Philadelphia Eagles (1211-930)
Coaches Record
Doug Pederson: 1-0 vs. the Cleveland Browns
Kevin Stefanski: 0-0 vs. the Eagles
Coaches Head to Head
Doug Pederson vs. Kevin Stefanski: First Meeting between coaches
Quarterback Record
Carson Wentz: Against Browns: 1-0
Baker Mayfield: Against Eagles: 0-0
Quarterbacks Head to Head
Carson Wentz vs Baker Mayfield: Wentz leads 0-0.
Records per Stadium
Record @ Lincoln Financial Field: Eagles lead the Browns: 2-0
Record @ FirstEnergy Stadium: Eagles lead the Browns: 2-0
Rankings and Last Meeting Information
AP Pro 32 Ranking
Eagles No. 21 - Browns No. 15
Record
Eagles: 3-5-1
Browns: 6-3
Last Meeting
Thursday, September 11, 2016
Eagles 29 - Browns 10
The Eagles kicked off the 2016 season against the Cleveland Browns. 2nd Overall pick Carson Wentz made his debut. The Eagles started off well. Wentz threw his 1st career TD to Jordan Matthews. Caleb Sturgis missed a field goal in the 1st Quarter but made one early in the 2nd Quarter to extend the lead to 10–0. The Browns would respond early in the 2nd quarter with an Isaiah Crowell 1 yard TD to cut the Eagles lead to 10–7. The Eagles only managed to kick another Sturgis field goal in the 2nd Quarter which resulted in a 13–7 lead at halftime. The Browns then kicked another field goal to change the score to 13–10. Midway through the 3rd Quarter, a bad snap by Browns center Cameron Erving went over the head of Quarterback Robert Griffin III and into the end zone for a safety and it extended the Eagles lead to 15–10. Following that drive, Wentz and the offense went back to work . Wentz threw his 2nd TD to Nelson Agholor to change the score to 22–10. The Eagles mainly burned out the clock in the 4th quarter to weaken the Browns hopes of a comeback. Ryan Mathews sealed the game with a 1-yard TD to make the final score 29–10.
Click here to view the Video Recap
Last 10 Meetings
:-:
Date Winner Loser Score
09/11/16 Eagles Browns 29-10
09/09/12 Eagles Browns 17-16
12/15/08 Eagles Browns 30-10
10/24/04 Eagles Browns 34-31
12/10/00 Eagles Browns 35-24
11/13/94 Browns Eagles 7-26
11/10/91 Eagles Browns 32-30
10/16/88 Browns Eagles 3-19
09/19/82 Eagles Browns 24-21
11/04/79 Browns Eagles 19-24
Injury Reports Depth Charts
Eagles Eagles
Browns Browns
2020 “Expert” Picks
Week 11 - "Expert" Picks
2020 Team Stats
Eagles Season Stats
Browns Season Stats
2020 Stats (Starters/Leaders)
Passing
Name CMP ATT PCT YDS TD INT RAT
Wentz 199 342 58.2% 2091 12 12 73.1
Mayfield 149 243 61.3% 1646 15 7 90.0
Rushing
Name ATT YDS YDS/G AVG TD
Sanders 86 519 86.5 6.0 3
Hunt 134 633 70.3 4.7 3
Receiving
Name REC YDS YDS/G AVG TD
Fulgham 30 443 73.8 14.8 4
Landry 36 448 49.8 12.4 0
Sacks
Name Sacks Team Total
Graham 7.0 31
Garrett 9.5 22
Tackles
Name Total Solo Assist Sacks
Gerry 57 32 25 1.0
Goodson 65 42 23 0.5
Interceptions
Name Ints Team Total
Singleton/McLeod/Mills 1 3
Goodson 2 7
Punting
Name ATT YDS LONG AVG NET IN 20 TB BP
Johnston 39 1949 66 50.0 43.5 14 3 0
Gillan 28 1378 59 44.9 40.0 9 2 0
Kicking
Name ATT MADE % LONG PAT
Elliot 13 9 69.2% 54 12/12
Parkey 12 11 91.7% 46 23/24
Kick Returns
Name ATT YDS AVG LONG TD
Scott 11 202 18.4 25 0
Peoples-Jones 16 338 21.1 33 0
Punt Returns
Name RET YDS AVG LONG TD FC
Ward 11 72 6.5 22 0 12
Peoples-Jones 6 35 5.8 13 0 3
League Rankings 2020
Offense Rankings
Category Eagles Stat Eagles Rank Browns Stat Browns Rank
Total Offense 331.8 27th 347.8 23rd
Rush Offense 122.8 10th 159.0 4th
Pass Offense 209.0 27th 188.8 30th
Points Per Game 22.6 24th 24.0 T-18th
3rd-Down Offense 39.7% 24th 41.8% 18th
4th-Down Offense 29.4% 30th 38.5% 27th
Red Zone Offense (TD%) 65.4% 11th 71.4% 6th
Defense Rankings
Category Eagles Stat Eagles Rank Browns Stat Browns Rank
Total Defense 344.8 11th 357.1 15th
Rush Defense 133.0 26th 104.9 8th
Pass Defense 211.8 6th 252.2 21st
Points Per Game 25.8 16th 27.1 20th
3rd-Down Defense 39.2% 10th 48.7% 29th
4th-Down Defense 50.0% T-12th 86.7% 31st
Red Zone Defense (TD%) 69.0% T-24th 59.5% 13th
Team
Category Eagles Stat Eagles Rank Browns Stat Browns Rank
Turnover Diff. -12 31st +4 T-6th
Penalties/Game 6.2 T-23rd 6.0 T-20th
Penalty Yards/Game 49.9 15th 52.6 21st
Connections
Browns HC Kevin Stefanski is from Philadelphia, PA and attended university of Penn.
Browns GM Andrew Berry was the Eagles Vice President of Football Operations in 2019.
Browns Senior Football Advisor Ryan Grigson worked for the Eagles as a scout in varying roles from 2004-2011.
Browns Assistant Offensive Line Coach Scott Peters was drafted in the 4th round of the 2002 NFL draft.
Browns FS Andrew Sendejo played for the Eagles in 2019 before he was released.
Eagles LB Coach Ken Fajole held the same position for the Browns from 2013-2015.
Eagles DE Genard Avery played two seasons for the Browns from 2018-2019.
Eagles DC Jim Schwartz worked as a scout for the Browns from 1993-1995.
Browns K Cody Parkey played 2 seasons for the Eagles from 2014-2015.
2020 Pro Bowlers
Eagles Browns
DT Fletcher Cox (Starter) RB Nick Chubb(starter)
OG Brandon Brooks (Starter) WR Jarvis Landy
C Jason Kelce (Starter) G Joel Bitonio (1st Alt)
LS Rick Lovato (Starter)
TE Zach Ertz
SS Malcom Jenkings (1st Alt)
OT Lane Johnson (1st Alt
General
Referee: Adrian Hill
Philadelphia has won 5 consecutive games in the series against Cleveland, as well as 7 of the last 9 overall. The Eagles last faced the Browns on Sep. 11, 2016, when Philadelphia won 29-10 in Doug Pederson’s debut as the Eagles’ head coach.
Philadelphia owns a 3-0 record at FirstEnergy Stadium and has won 4 straight road games vs. Cleveland. The last time the Eagles traveled to Cleveland was on Sep. 9, 2012 (W, 17-16).
Miles Sanders ranks 2nd among NFL RBs in rushing average (6.0), trailing only Nick Chubb (6.1) (min. 75 attempts). Sanders is also 2nd among NFL RBs in scrimmage yards per touch (6.2), behind Alvin Kamara (6.6) (min. 100 touches).
Brandon Graham leads the Eagles defense with 7.0 sacks, which is tied for the 8th-most in the NFL. Only five NFL players rank in the Top 10 in both sacks and TFLs this season: Graham, Leonard Floyd, Trey Hendrickson, Za’Darius Smith and T.J. Watt.
Jason Kelce has started 98 consecutive regular-season games, which is the longest active streak among NFL centers.
Draft Picks
Eagles Browns
WR Jalen Raegor OT Jedrick Wills
QB Jalen Hurts S Grant Delpit
LB Davion Taylor DT Jordan Elliott
S K’Von Wallace LB Jacobs Phillips
OT Jack Driscoll TE Harrison Bryant
WR John Hightower C Nick Harris
LB Shaun Bradley WR Donovan Peoples-Jones
WR Quez Watkins
OT Prince Tega Wanogho
LB/DE Casey Toohill
Notable Off-season Additions
Eagles Browns
S Will Parks DT Andrew Billings
DT Javon Hargrave DE Adrian Clayborn
CB Nickell Robey-Coleman OT Jack Conklin
CB Darius Slay BJ Goodson
OT TE Austin Hooper
CB Kevin Johnson
QBCase Keenum
S Kark Joseph
S Andrew Sendejo
WR Jojo Natson
CB Donovan Olumba
Notable Off-season Departures
Eagles Browns
S Malcom Jenkins LB Joe Schobert
CB Ronald Darby CB TJ Carrie
RB Jordan Howard TE Demetrius Harris
WR Nelson Agholor LB Christian Kirksey
OL Halapoulivaati Vaitai G Eric Kush
LB Kamu Grugler-Hill S Eric Murray
RB Darren Sproles S Damarius Randall
DT Timmy Jernigan TE Rick Seals-Jones
LB Nigel Bradham LB Adarius Taylor
Milestones
Eagles QB Carson Wentz (109) needs 3 passing TDs to move up to 4th on the Eagles all-time passing yards list moving ahead of QB Norm Snead.
Eagles QB Carson Wentz (991) needs 9 yards for 1000 career rushing yards.
Eagles DT Fletcher Cox (51.5) needs 4 sacks to move up to 5th on the Eagles all-time sack list tying DE Hugh Douglas
Eagles DE Vinny Curry (29) needs 1 sacks to move up to 18th on the Eagles all-time sack list passing DT Jerome Brown
Browns QB Baker Mayfield (64) needs 3 passing TDs to move up to 6ths on the Browns all-time passing TD list moving ahead of QB Milt Plum
Browns RB Nick Chubb needs 168 yards to move up to 9th on the Browns all-time rushing list passing Isaiah Crowell
Stats to Know
Eagles to Face One of the Greatest Former Eagles of All Time
I’m not sure I know of any Eagles fan that misses former Eagles Safety Andrew Sendejo, do you? Hey Browns fans, are you enjoying him yet? Sendejo is known for not just his bad tackling, but also taking out his own teammates (“Sorry, Avonte!”). It just so happens that Sendejo’s propensity for missed tackles is at an all-time low this season. Of 93 Safeties with appreciable snaps, Sendejo is tied for 4th-worst tackling efficiency (weighted per snap). He is tied for 2nd-worst in number of missed tackles against the run (7), which puts him on a season’s pace notably worse than any other season in the raw stat. His tackling efficiency this season is 5.2, so far, compared to 6.0 last year and 7.2 the year before. Looking at coverage ability, he’s allowing a passer rating of 135 this season, compared to 95 last year, and 84 the year prior. I’ll take Will Parks for now. You enjoy, Browns fans.
Matchups to Watch
Eagles Run Defense vs Browns Rushing Offense
The Browns are an analytically driven team and because of that they know that a good, efficient, and explosive passing attack is key to success in the NFL. That has been a bit of a struggle at times this year for a number of reasons. One area of their team where they haven't struggled is in the running game. First year HC Kevin Stefanksi has brought a lot of the good he implemented with the Vikings to the Browns as they have an incredibly effective and diverse running game; they do just about everything and do it well. Why? Their offensive line has quickly become one of the best in the NFL. A big reason for this success is new OL coach Bill Callahan, one of the best OL coaches in the game. One thing that works in Callahan's favor is the improved talent on the roster. Joel Bitonio has long been on of the best guards in the NFL; Callahan has then made Wyatt Teller a force on the inside. Rookie Jedrick Willis has been a stud at Left Tackle and Center JC Tretter is very solid and a bit underrated. The Browns may be without RT Jack Conklin on Sunday due to COVID; his replacement will be an inevitable downgrade, unfortunately. Stefanski has gotten by with worse at the position, just look at the Vikings OL. Their scheme does a lot to hide the flaws in talent which is what any good coach should be doing. On top of that, the Browns will have Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt at running back. This is the best running back room in the NFL. The Eagles have struggled against the run of late due to their atrocious LBs and Safeties. Their defensive line is still good, but watch the linebackers. They aren't physical and they have absolutely no clue how to consistently execute their run fits. Watch this opening TD run from Daniel Jones. What on God's green earth is this? TJ Edwards absolutely blew his run responsibility. Watch Jalen Mills shy away from contact. This is why the Eagles run defense is bad. In possibly unfavorable conditions to pass, the Browns may lean on their advantage upfront and the Eagles may struggle to stop it. There isn't much reason to think they won't either as they've struggled against lesser competition than what they are about to face.
Eagles Passing Attack vs Browns Pass Defense
The Browns have a pretty average defense by DVOA but do have a good cornerback in Denzel Ward. Defensively, the Browns are pretty similar to Eagles in terms of scheme. Ward is very sticky in man coverage and isn't afraid to get physical with receivers. Ronnie Harrison has emerged this year as a quality safety after flaming out with the Jaguars the previous couple of season. Terrance Mitchell is also another quality corner for the Browns. Outside of that, there isn't much that is spectacular for the Browns after their pass rush. The Eagles have healthy weapons in Goedert, Reagor, Fulgham, Ward, Alshon, Sanders, and Scott to take advantage of holes in the middle of their defense. The Browns also start Andrew Sendejo at Safety, who all Eagles fans should be familiar with as he sucks. News broke on Friday that Myles Garrett is on the COVID list and won't play on Sunday. Hopefully Garrett will be fine; in terms of football, this is an incredible gift for the Eagles. Garrett is on his way to earning his first DPOY award and would be an absolutely nightmare for the Eagles to defend even as the OL gets healthy. The Browns pass rush could still have it's moments against the Eagles OL but given the Garrett loss, the Eagles need to be able to take advantage of the holes in the Browns pass defense. Can the Eagles suddenly shit tier starter actually play well? Can Doug remember how to be a good offensive mind?
Eagles Pass Rush vs Browns Pass Blocking
The Eagles defense lives and dies by their pass rush. They will have their full compliment of pass rushers again for this contest against a very good Browns offensive line. The major weakness for the Browns OL on Sunday will be at RT as Jack Conklin may not play. If he doesn't, the Browns would be wise to send all kinds of help that way as Brandon Graham has been having an All Pro caliber season. It is key the Eagles get pressure on Baker Mayfield when they do pass as he is one of the leagues worst QBs under pressure. Mayfield is a lot like Wentz this year: prone to mistakes under pressure with poor pocket management that puts him in trouble. The Browns have more than enough weapons in the passing game to be able to take advantage of the Eagles defense provided Mayfield has time to throw. Darius Slay will give Jarvis Landry issues but no one else should really put up much of a fight against the Browns receivers. The Eagles LBs and Safeties are also incapable of covering anything; the Browns TEs and RBs should have a field day. As always with the Eagles, as the DL goes so goes the defense as a whole.
Special thanks to MikeTysonChicken and abenyishay for their help in creating this Game Preview.
submitted by Rsubs33 to eagles [link] [comments]


2020.11.20 18:15 FrankG71 New utdate

Formula 1®, NASCAR & Aston Martin Valkyrie Update (v9.0)

Real Racing 3 - Formula 1®, NASCAR & Aston Martin Valkyrie

Aston Martin’s incredible hypercar arrives in Real Racing, alongside two all-new Formula 1® Grand Prix™ Special Events, and NASCAR’s Federated Auto Parts 400! Also, we celebrate the 10th anniversary of Real Racing 2 with its iconic Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT2!

New Cars

New Cars Peformance Rating Service Time Cost
Aston Martin Valkyrie 95.5 -> 113.9 3 hours 1,150 Gold
Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT2 56.9 -> 77.3 3 hours 425 Gold

New Special Events

Federated Auto Parts 400
First chance to start: Tuesday, 24 November 2020
Last chance to start: Wednesday, 2 December 2020
Rewards: M$ 150,000, 35 gold, the Federated Auto Parts 400 Tuning Setup and a 2020 Season NASCAR Stock Car of the Player’s Choice
Maximum Required PR: 52.0
Maximum number of Tuning Steps for the Federated Auto Parts 400 Tuning Setup: Please note: these are the Maximum number of Tuning Steps for each stat, not the number of Tuning Steps required to complete the Special Event
Tuning Steps
Gearbox Mapping 9 Steps
Power Unit Optimization 7 Steps
Brake Calibration 5 Steps
Suspension Adjustments 7 Steps
FORMULA 1 ETIHAD AIRWAYS ABU DHABI GRAND PRIX 2020
First chance to start: Thursday, 3 December 2020
Rewards: M$ 200,000, 50 gold, the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix™ Tuning Setup and a 2020 Season Formula 1® Car of the Player’s Choice
In order to earn the Formula 1® Car Reward, players will have to complete the Special Event within 5 days of starting it
Maximum Required PR: 125.6 - 126.0 (depending on chosen car)
Maximum number of Tuning Steps for the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix™ Tuning Setup:
Please note: these are the Maximum number of Tuning Steps for each stat, not the number of Tuning Steps required to complete the Special Event
Tuning Steps
Gearbox Mapping 8 Steps
Power Unit Optimization 6 Steps
Brake Calibration 6 Steps
Suspension Adjustments 8 Steps
First Flight
First chance to start: Thursday, 17 December 2020
Last chance to start: Saturday, 2 January 2021
Rewards: Aston Martin Valkyrie, 175 gold, R$ 750000
FORMULA 1 ARAMCO GRAN PREMIO DE ESPAÑA 2020
First chance to start: Sunday, 27 December 2020
Rewards: M$ 400,000, 100 gold, the Spanish Grand Prix™ Tuning Setup and a 2020 Season Formula 1® Car of the Player’s Choice
In order to earn the Formula 1® Car Reward, players will have to complete the Special Event within 5 days of starting it
Maximum Required PR: 115.6 - 127.0 (depending on chosen car)
Maximum number of Tuning Steps for the Spanish Grand Prix™ Tuning Setup:
Please note: these are the Maximum number of Tuning Steps for each stat, not the number of Tuning Steps required to complete the Special Event
Tuning Steps
Gearbox Mapping 7 Steps
Power Unit Optimization 8 Steps
Brake Calibration 6 Steps
Suspension Adjustments 7 Steps

New Limited Time Events

Real Racing 2 Anniversary Celebration
Rewards: Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT2, 75 Gold, R$250,000
Start Date: Monday, 14 December 2020
End Date: Friday, 18 December 2020
Maximum Required PR: 72.1
Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse Championship
Rewards: Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse, 45 Gold, R$250,000
Start Date: Tuesday, 5 January 2021
End Date: Monday, 11 January 2021
Maximum Required PR: 84.5

New Bonus Series

Real Racing Redux
Cars: McLaren F1 GTR,BMW M3 GT2 ALMS,Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT2
Rewards: 74 Gold, R$74,000
Location: MASTER
Unlocks from: 25 Trophies in Open Sky Challenge
Maximum Required PR: 75.6
Flight of the Valkyrie
Cars: Aston Martin Valkyrie
Rewards: 75 Gold, R$75,000
Location: LEGEND
Unlocks from: 36 Trophies in Vertex Spirit
Maximum Required PR: 112.0

New Exclusive Series

Ford Shelby GT500 (2020)
Rewards: 75 Gold, R$150,000
Bentley Continental GT3
Rewards: 50 Gold, M$150,000

New Garage Overview

We’ve made some improvements to the Garage! The Garage Overview is your one-stop shop to view your collection and buy new cars!
We’ve added the following items to the screen to help you navigate your car collection:

Race Team Competitions

Race Teams will be returning for a limited period with two Top Speed Challenges as part of our ongoing anti-cheat efforts. We’re looking forward to returning to a regular schedule in a future update.
Melbourne Vantage Top Speed Challenge
Start Date: Tuesday, December 8 2020
End Date: Wednesday, December 9 2020
2020 NASCAR European Top Speed Challenge
Start Date: Thursday, December 10 2020
End Date: Friday, December 11 2020

Game Improvements/Changes

Bug Fixes

Weekly Time Trial Schedule

Week Start Date End Date Weekly Time Trial Cars
1 24 Nov 30 Nov Lotus 3-Eleven (loaned), Mercedes-AMG GT3, McLaren 650S GT3
2 01 Dec 07 Dec Cadillac DPi-V.R (loaned), Mazda RT24-P, Acura ARX-05
3 08 Dec 14 Dec Aston Martin VULCAN (loaned), Koenigsegg Agera R, Porsche 911 GT2 RS
4 15 Dec 21 Dec Chip Ganassi Racing Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 1LE (2020) (loaned), Hendrick Motorsports Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 1LE (2020), Richard Childress Racing Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 1LE (2020), Richard Petty Motorsports Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 1LE (2020), Team Penske Ford Mustang (2020) (loaned), Stewart-Haas Racing Ford Mustang (2020), Joe Gibbs Racing TOYOTA Camry (2020) (loaned)
5 22 Dec 28 Dec Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport (loaned), Audi R8 V10 Coupe, Ferrari F430
6 29 Dec 04 Jan McLaren Senna GTR, Hennessey Venom GT (loaned), Koenigsegg Agera RS, Koenigsegg One:1
7 05 Jan 11 Jan Lamborghini Huracán Performante (loaned), McLaren Senna, Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse

Online Multiplayer Schedule

Week Start Date End Date OMP Cars
1 24 Nov 30 Nov Ferrari 488 GTE Evo (AF Corse) (loaned), Ford GT Le Mans (2019), Lancia LC2
2 01 Dec 07 Dec NISSAN Skyline 2000 GT-R (KPGC10) (loaned), Mazda RX-3, NISSAN 240Z (S30)
3 08 Dec 14 Dec Caterham Seven 620 R (loaned), Aston Martin One-77, McLaren 600LT
4 15 Dec 21 Dec Aston Martin Vantage GT3 (loaned), Aston Martin Vantage GT4, Aston Martin Vantage AMR Pro
5 22 Dec 28 Dec Jaguar C-X75 (loaned), Mazda Fura, Lamborghini Sesto Elemento
6 29 Dec 04 Jan Koenigsegg REGERA (loaned), Pagani Huayra BC, Bugatti Chiron Sport
7 05 Jan 11 Jan Honda Integra Type-R (loaned), NISSAN Skyline GT-R V-spec (R33), Honda S2000 GT
The update will be available to download on November 24, 2020.
All data obtained via EATM Game Changers program
submitted by FrankG71 to YEA8 [link] [comments]